In the Wind

bag in windI was driving down the highway the other day when I noticed something up in the sky. As I drove closer to the object, I was able to assess what was up there. The object appeared to be a plastic bag, the kind that you get at the grocery store.  The bag was flying up and down and around with such energy. It followed no pattern or course, simply depending on the next big gust of wind to decide its fate.

 

The whole experience reminded me of a number of people that I’ve come across in my life.

 

I had a conversation with a young man a couple years ago.  The talk turned to his part-time job, so I asked him how it was going.  He lamented that his hours had been cut and felt angry about the whole situation.  He told me exactly how he was going to be affected by this unfortunate turn of events.  He definitely did his fair share of complaining.

 

I listened to him for a while before I spoke.  I asked him the obvious question— had he had discussed the cutbacks with his supervisor?  He looked at me incredulously and said no. When I asked him why he hadn’t had a discussion with this boss, he really didn’t have an answer.

 

I explained to him that he needed to ask WHY his hours had been cut. Then, with his boss, he needed to outline the reasons why allowing him to keep those hours would be the right decision. Frankly, none of this had ever occurred to him.  He didn’t feel that he had a choice in the situation. I believe he was just waiting for that next big gust of wind to decide his fate.

 

I talked to a young woman on the phone today. Earlier this year, she had lost her job to an unfortunate turn of events. She spent hours researching, networking and pounding the pavement to find another job. It didn’t surprise me that she found the perfect match fairly quick in her journey. Today she shared that, again, her new employer is taking drastic measures to cut back and a whole team has been laid off.

 

This is devastating news considering she just got back on her feet. However, I was impressed by the strength in her voice.  She refused to waste time whining about what couldn’t change and she was already busy networking and researching how she could take charge in her situation. She was adamant that she would control her destiny. She would not accept that the next big gust of wind would decide her fate.

 

I hate to say this, but I know individuals that have spent their whole lives in this pattern.  They float and bob from one job or relationship to the next, letting others decide their fate.  When the wind stops, they land. Usually, they blame their misfortune on others, never accepting the fact that the whole time, they had the ability to control their own path in life.

 

This is your reminder that you don’t have to be that plastic bag taking flight in the wind, unsure of where you’re going or when you will land.

 

You have the power to control your own destiny.

 

 

 

 

 

Dr. Seuss

While perusing the web, I came across an image of Dr. Seuss and a picture of “Green Eggs and Ham.” That single image took me back to the years when I would read his many books to my boys. I remember how they had memorized every word even before they had learned how to read. I loved Dr. Seuss rhymes and enjoyed the books just as much as my sons.

 

What hadn’t occurred to me those many years ago was the insight and wisdom that Dr. Seuss possessed. Sure, the rhymes were catchy, but there was more to it than that. His perception into what truly mattered in life was pretty impressive.

 

So in honor of the Dr., I’d like to share some of his words of wisdom.

 

“You have brains in your head, you have feet in your shoes. You can steer yourself in any direction you choose. You’re on your own and you know what you know. And you are the one that will decide where to go.” What an empowering statement! You are in control of your own destiny and are capable of anything you set your mind to. You know YOU better than anyone else. All you need to do is trust yourself and follow your heart. You have the control to shape your future and make things happen. The decision is yours.

 

“Sometimes the questions are complicated and the answers are simple.” Isn’t that the truth? How often do we make things so much harder than they have to be? As a Women’s Success Coach, I can attest to the fact that often women make their decision-making process much more complicated than it has to be. Invariably, the process involves spiraling thoughts sprinkled with many “what-ifs”, even when the answer is right before their eyes.

 

“Why fit in when you were born to stand out” I understand why we would share this with our kids— we want our kids to be comfortable in their own skin and be true to who they are. However, let’s be honest here: I come across many women that are still struggling with this concept. They are trying to fit into the mold of other’s expectations, instead of being true to themselves. It’s so much easier to just be YOU!

 

“You’ll miss the best things if you keep your eyes shut.” Of course you will! This is the number one reason the coaching process doesn’t end up working. You need to be willing to see that there could be an alternative way to approach life. You need to be willing to open yourself up and be vulnerable. Processing new information can change the way you see the world. You need to be open to CHANGE. It’s possible that a change can be the best thing that ever happened to you.

 

“You can get help from teachers but you are going to learn a lot by yourself, sitting alone in a room.” Well said, Dr. Suess! Having an understanding of who you are and what you need in life comes with time spent alone. Many women fill every waking minute with activities because they’re scared to feel what’s going on inside of them. Take the time and become acquainted with you and what you need to be happy. That is the most important thing you can learn.

 

When he worked he really worked. But when he played, he really played. I want you to read this one again. I come across numerous women that work way too hard and have difficulty letting go and enjoying life. Dr. Seuss had it right; what’s the use of working so hard if you don’t get to reap the benefits? Be passionate in your work AND your play.

 

See what I mean? Take his words to heart and go after your dreams. These quotes are as relevant in your life today as they were when you were a child. Dr. Seuss believes in you (and so do I).

Steps to Success

I’m a Women’s Success Coach because it is my mission. I feel strongly that this is what I’m meant to do in life. Frankly, I enjoy it so much that I would do it for free but I recognize that it would be a poor business decision. I believe that I have all the skills, knowledge and experience needed to help each woman succeed in both their personal and professional life.

 

That said, I recognize that this is not always enough. Sometimes, despite how hard I work, I fail at helping someone move forward and achieve her goals. As you can imagine, it bugs me to no end. However, I do realize that it takes two to make the process work. If you’ve been wondering if you’re ready to take the next step to work with a coach, here’s a list to help you decide.

 

You’ve made a decision that you no longer want to live your present life. 

It doesn’t matter if it’s a personal trainer or a financial expert, unless you are frustrated with your present life, you’re not going to move forward with a Coach. Frankly, you need to feel the pain in order to commit to the hard work.  Changing your life isn’t easy.  It’s so much easier to continue down your current path.  It’s just that the path has to be so uncomfortable for you that you refuse to live it one more day. If that’s how you feel, then you’re ready to commit.

 

You are open to learning new ways of doing things

Ask yourself this question— am I open to someone telling me that my thinking might be incorrect?  Am I willing to allow myself to be vulnerable? The Coaching process is about being honest and admitting that you might have made some mistakes in the past.  It’s about seeing yourself clearly, maybe for the first time in your life. In order for the relationship to work, you need to be thirsty for new ways to approach life. If you can’t meet these requirements, then you’re not going to have a successful relationship with your Coach.

 

You’re willing to work really hard and follow through.

Working with a Coach means you have to do your homework.  When your health coach says you have to record everything you eat, there’s a reason.  If you don’t complete this part of the homework, you won’t be able to succeed.  Yes, it takes hard work to change patterns that you’ve had for years.  Unless you stop and recognize them, you will continue to do things the exact same way. However, like anything else in life, nothing worth having comes easy. If you come to an appointment without completing your homework, you’re sending a very clear message.

 

It’s your decision to work with a Coach.

Did your husband suggest that a Business Coach would help you increase your profitability at work so you thought that you’d give it a try? I’m already skeptical of your commitment.  This needs to be your decision or you’re not going to see the same degree of success.  You need to seize total ownership of this commitment and the process.  The most successful clients are those that had been mulling it over for a while and decided the time was right.

 

Working with a Coach can be a life-changing experience.  It’s your decision whether you view it as an opportunity to accomplish your dreams or a waste of time and money.  I certainly hope you choose the former.

 

Advance Your Career

I’m beginning to see a pattern. A number of the young clients that I’ve worked with are struggling to thrive in their careers.  The bloom happens during that first job right out of school.  They’re unhappy and they can’t figure out why or what to do about it.  I know exactly what’s running through their mind: they’ve worked hard, they’ve done all the right things, yet they’re still in a bad place.

 

I began to give this more thought within the last few days as I read Sheryl Sandlin’s new book, “Lean In”.  In the book, she relays the steps she took to advance her career and she candidly shares the mistakes she made along the way.

 

After some thought, here’s a couple suggestions for young (and not so young) women struggling to find happiness in their career:

 

Know who you are and what you want in your career and personal life

This might sound like common sense to you, but there are many women that have no idea what they need and want. How can you possibly begin to search for that next step unless you know what makes you happy and what you need? Don’t even waste your time looking at job openings until you’ve done the hard work. Do you know your passions and strengths?  Are you very clear on your talents in life and where you shine? One way to discover more about yourself is to get involved in activities outside your current job.  You never know where you’re going to discover (or rediscover) a talent.

 

Be able to make the hard decisions and offend people

Sheryl mentioned this in her book and I agree 100%. Women like to be seen as nice and this often becomes a big, fat roadblock in their career.  I’m not advocating stepping on others to move up the ladder, however, there will be times where you make a decision and not everyone is going to love you.  That doesn’t mean you made the wrong decision; it just means that you take pride in making the right decision over making the decision that’s popular. That’s called integrity.

 

Realize that you have the power to change your situation

I’ve wasted a lot of time in past jobs trying to rationalize my current situation.  This is a futile exercise that will only prolong your misery. You have a lot more choices than you THINK you do.  Just because you’re unhappy in your current situation doesn’t mean that you can’t create a new and improved situation. Brainstorm possibilities right where your feet are planted. Be proactive and talk to key people in your present organization that are knowledgeable about opportunities. Focus on solutions and keep an eye on your goal. And here’s the big one: let people KNOW what you want.

 

Be willing to take a step backward to move forward

This is a hard one for many women to accept. In fact, this thinking keeps women in jobs that they can’t stand.  It’s not easy to take a step back, but if you’re in a new position more aligned with your strengths, you’ll grow quickly.  Realize that career growth is not always a linear process— there’re ups and downs and stumbles. Many women reinvent themselves at different points in their careers. Just keep the momentum going.

 

Don’t stop believing that you’re capable of great things

It all comes back to this very statement. Without your unwavering belief of YOU, it won’t happen. Sure, we all waver now and then, but a core foundation of belief is necessary for you to build career success. It’s truly all about the power of positive thinking.

 

Own your power and go after what you want!

 

 

Life Transitions

For years, the trampoline has been a staple of our backyard. When my older son was in high school, it was a common occurrence to see a slew of kids in the backyard jumping on the trampoline.  After he went away to college, my younger son and his friends pretty much took over where he had left off.

 

The trampoline got so much mileage that we eventually had to buy a new one.  At the time, I thought it was kind of crazy for us to make another purchase.  You see, my son was turning 16 and only had a couple years left at home. However, the new trampoline got plenty of usage and the backyard again was filled with laughter.

 

My younger son is now 21 years old. In the last year or so, the trampoline hasn’t really seen much action.  However, a new family recently moved in next door. Once in awhile, I’ll get a knock on the door from a little one, asking if they can play on the trampoline.  I was more than happy to see it get used again.

 

My husband and I were talking one night when the conversation turned to the trampoline. I suggested that we offer to give the trampoline to our neighbors. My husband agreed and I broached the subject the next day with my neighbor. He seemed interested, but the trampoline stayed put in our yard.

 

Two weeks ago, my neighbor brought the topic up again.  He wondered if I was still game for giving away the trampoline.  I replied that if he could figure out how to get it over the fence in one piece, it was his.  With the help of my husband and two neighbors, it was hoisted over the fence and rolled into position in their backyard.  The whole neighborhood of kids was involved in the process.

 

For the next 6 straight hours, we heard kids screaming, laughing and generally having a great time while jumping around.  In fact, for the next 7 days we heard laughter emanating from that backyard.

 

It was my idea to give up the trampoline. I accepted the fact that my kids were growing up and it was time to move on.  However, that doesn’t mean that I didn’t feel a twinge when it was finally gone. I most certainly did.  It made it more final and real that I no longer had young children.  Another part of my life had transitioned.

 

I felt it even more last night.  My older son called to say that he had proposed to his girlfriend.  As excited as I was for the two of them and as much as I love the girl, I felt that familiar twinge.  My family was changing whether I liked it or not.  Things would never be the same.

 

Whenever you go through a transition in life, you have a choice.  You can accept the new landscape, or you can fight and claw at the change.  Change is never easy.  We are all creatures of habit and strive to keep things status quo.  But the truth is that relationships, people, jobs and situations are always changing.  If you want to stay happy, you need to roll with the changes and embrace them. You must find ways to deal with and accept your new reality.

 

Tonight, I’m relaxing on my deck in my backyard, working on my computer. The kids next door are yelling, laughing and having fun on the trampoline. I could swear it sounds exactly like it did 10 years ago. You can’t imagine how much pleasure that’s giving me.

 

 

Passive-Aggressiveness

According to the dictionary, passive-aggressive behavior is a category of interpersonal interactions characterized by an obstructionist or hostile manner that indicates aggression.  In more general terms, people that exhibit passive-aggressiveness express this in non-assertive, subtle ways.

 

I hit the gym especially early this week since I was very busy with appointments. I was happy to see an old friend I hadn’t connected with for some time.  I took my spot on the elliptical machine and was glad to see that she was close enough to have a conversation with. The time began to fly by as we caught up on various current events.  Suddenly, I noticed a man on the other side of my friend. As we continued to talk, I saw that he was imitating us.  He was moving his mouth in a silent mimic of the two of us talking.  Out of the corner of my eye, I continued to monitor his actions. Off and on, he would make hand signals of people yapping and silently imitate talking.

 

Apparently, our conversation was bothering him.  He continued to grimace, roll his eyes and make faces of unhappiness.  At one point, he tried to get the attention of one of the workers and mouth to him how we were annoying him.  He was aware I was watching him, which did nothing to squelch his quest for more.  At one point, he talked out loud to himself but I couldn’t quite make out the words.  However, it didn’t really matter because the facial non-verbals told the whole story.

 

Finally, I couldn’t take it anymore.  Twenty minutes of this type of passive-aggressive behavior is enough for anyone to endure.  Firmly but without emotion, I said, “ You know Joe, you could put on some headphones if our talking is bothering you”.  He pretended like he didn’t hear me and got very quiet.

 

And that’s the end of the story.

 

I am pretty sure that at some point in your life, you have experienced this type of behavior.  Maybe you have experienced it in your own family or perhaps you’ve seen this play out at work.  Whenever this occurs, there are a couple things you need to keep in mind about the person indulging in the act:

 

1.  Individuals that tend to have passive-aggressive behavior have learned to utilize this pattern to get what they want in life. They have an inability to handle situations in a more direct manner.  Therefore, they often use smirks, off-handed comments and sarcasm to get their point across if they’re irritated.  You know when you’ve hit on one of these characters when they zing something at you and you have to actually think about whether it was an insult or not.  Deep down, they feel that this method is actually preferable to being direct and hurtful.

 

2.  If you want this behavior to stop, you need to handle it when it occurs.  The passive-aggressive individual doesn’t want to be “called out” in front of others since they aren’t comfortable dealing with situations directly.  Leave the emotion at home, and firmly question the behavior.  Over time, this behavior will only escalate if not dealt with appropriately.  If any of you are dealing with this in your own life, you know exactly what I mean.

 

Dealing with an individual that is passive-aggressive can be draining and frustrating. If you find yourself putting up with this behavior, nip it in the bud now before it grows to gargantuan proportions.  I’m thinking it just might be a little too late for my friend at the gym.