Happiness Thermostat

My husband insists on putting the thermostat down as low as possible in the summer AND the winter.  In the summer, he wants the rooms as chilly as possible and in the winter, he’s comfortable in a cool room. I’m the polar opposite of him.  In the winter, I’m constantly freezing and want the heat up as high as possible.  In the summer, I’m constantly freezing in air conditioning and don’t want cold air blowing on me. Apparently, my internal thermostat is quite different than his.

 

Our “happiness thermostat” also couldn’t be more opposite. My happiness thermostat is set on “happy” 97% of all the days of the year.  When I dip from that set point, I bounce back fairly quick.  I’m sorry to say that the same can’t be said about him.  There are dramatic ups and downs from day to day and I don’t see anything close to my degree of happiness.  He has a more subdued feeling that probably translates to “life is pretty good but I don’t want to say it’s great because something could happen to change that and then I would be VERY unhappy”.

 

According to a happiness theory, each one of you has a distinct set point of happiness.  You hover back and forth around that set point but you basically stay in that specific range your whole life.  In a society that is obsessed with finding happiness, it’s important to think about this bit of information I just shared.  Looking back on your life, do you see the pattern of your happiness?  Of course there’s ups and downs when you hit some trying times in your life, but basically, day to day, what is your happiness thermostat set on?

 

Why are there people that have very few material possessions, yet are able to find a way to be happy? How do they find happiness when the odds are stacked against them? Don’t they know how miserable they should be? On the other hand, I’ve seen women that look like they possess everything that they would ever desire in life and yet they’re still miserable. They’re terribly unhappy and they search for the “thing” that will bring them happiness.

 

Maybe part of the problem is how we view happiness.  If you view happiness in life as a constant state of bliss, you may be getting closer to why you’re not “finding it”.  Life isn’t all about one perfect, fabulous day after another. There are days that are trying, stressful and hard work but you can still be happy. Not that “crazy with excitement” happy, but an “I am satisfied and appreciate life and everyone in it” happy.

 

There is a need for us to permanently change our way of thinking about that five-letter word. Accept that there are going to be down times in your life when you’re sad. Sad doesn’t mean depressed.  There’s a big difference between sad and depressed and our society often forgets that. Depressed is a serious condition while sad is an important universal feeling that all of us come to know now and then. Between you and me, I think we live in a society that’s terrified of being sad.  We’ll do anything to feel “happy” again.  Readjust your thinking on this and get comfortable with knowing you can feel sad in a situation and it’s not the end of the world. It’s just a part of life.

 

I hope you’re thinking about your own thermostat and how you can make some positive changes that will help you find a place of happiness. That ecstatic blissed out feeling happens now and then in your life, but that feeling of appreciation for being alive, that satisfaction with your family and friends— that’s the “happy” you need to come to expect in your life.

Dealing With Difficult People

Have you ever had to deal with difficult people in your personal or professional life? I’m talking about someone that absolutely drives you wacky and brings out the worst in you! Maybe it’s that ONE individual that drives you so crazy at work that you’ve contemplated quitting your job. But here’s the problem with using that kind of exit strategy as a solution; difficult people are everywhere.

 

They’re part of our families, they live in our neighborhoods, and often share the cubicle beside us at work.  Because of this, learning to deal with these people is an important skill to master. Here are a couple tips to help you navigate the rough social terrain.

 

Try your best to keep the emotion out of your interactions. I know what you’re thinking; that’s easier said than done!  But the fact is, losing your temper will just escalate the situation and that’s the last thing you need! At work, a flaring temper can backfire on you and make it appear that you’re the “difficult one” in the relationship.

 

Try to understand what motivates this individual.  Attempt to understand the underlying reason for this individual’s behavior.  Once you’re aware of what truly motivates them to do what they do, you can develop some empathy for the individual. This, in turn, can help keep your emotions in check.  For example, maybe you have a co-worker that talks incessantly and it drives you bonkers. Looking beneath the surface, you might discover this is someone that’s lonely in his or her personal life and starved for human contact during the workday. This enables you to change your perspective on the situation.

 

Don’t waste time lamenting, talking and gossiping about this person. Talking about this person to others and how they’re driving you crazy is a natural reaction to this situation. However, if you’re spending every waking hour talking, thinking and stressing about this person, you need to reassess your priorities in life. Is this truly a valuable use of your time and energy? None of this behavior is going to change or improve the situation.

 

Reach out to someone you respect and trust to get their opinion. I once worked in a company where I clashed horrifically with a woman I’ll call Ann. I began to believe our relationship issues were my fault entirely, so I kept trying harder and harder to make it right. I reached out to a trusted individual that no longer worked in the company.  Before I said anything to her about the situation, she asked me if I worked with Ann. I asked her why and she went into a 10-minute tirade about how Ann drove her crazy until she finally left her job.  I immediately felt validated, which in turn made me feel energized to come up with strategies to deal with the situation. Talking with someone you respect helps you look at the situation objectively.

 

Assess what you CAN control in the situation, and what you can’t.  You can’t get control the fact that there are going to be certain times you’ll be forced to interact with this person. You CAN control whether you have boundaries with this individual.  For example, if you work with this person, you don’t HAVE to go out to lunch with her every day and you don’t HAVE to be friends with her outside of the workplace.  Limit the amount of time you interact with her during your day as much as possible.

 

Accept the fact that you’ll need to treat this person differently than the way you treat other people. You’re not going to be able to be “you” every time you’re in their presence. You’ll need to be aware of your boundaries, keep your guard up and careful about what you say in this person’s presence.

 

There will always be difficult people around us; it’s just a fact of life. However, learning how to interact with difficult people is an essential skill needed if you are striving to be happy, healthy and successful. I know you can do it, girlfriend!

 

Near Life Experience

My week started by attending a funeral on Monday.  I’m sure you’d agree that going to funerals are not a favorite thing for anyone to do in life. However, they’re definitely part of life and hard to avoid, the older you get.  The experience at the beginning of the week encouraged me to contemplate life- how quickly life can go by without the chance to chase your dreams.

 

By Wednesday, I attended the Sassy Girlfriend Talk where the topic was age.  We shared in a circle what age we felt in our head.  Not the one you see when you look in the mirror, but the one, when you close your eyes, you truly FEEL.  I’m asking all of you now to close your eyes and think-what age are you in your head?  If you could turn back the clock 10 years, what decisions would you make in your life? What dreams would you go after?  Now the big question for you, why can’t you chase that dream right now?

 

I’ll admit it, in my head, I think I’m 25! Don’t laugh, I really do! I think I can do anything I set my mind to do.  Honestly, I think this attitude serves me well since Sunday, I rode my bike 58 miles. I suppose if I felt 65 in my head, I would have hesitated to try to tackle this. I think I’ll stick with 25 since it seems to be working for me.  It never occurs to me that I’m at an age when I might not be able to accomplish something. You might refer to this as “denial”, however, I call it living and taking advantage of every day.

 

My son called me yesterday from Columbus to share an experience. He was shaken and didn’t know how to make sense of his day.  He explained that he had just finished his lunch break and was walking back to work. He walked out of the airport door and was on the sidewalk when he heard a loud horrible thud right in front of him.  He looked up, not understanding what was happening around him.  There, 10 feet in front of him lay a man.  The man had jumped off the top of the parking garage. Instinctively responding, he ran to where the man had landed and knelt down to check on him. He checked his pulse to see if he was alive.

 

As he went back to work and tried to make sense of things, it occurred to him that the man had landed 10 feet in front of him, directly in his path.  One or two seconds later, that man would have made a direct hit.  What are the chances?  How lucky he was to avoid that fate. For the first time, I believe he felt his mortality.

 

In my experiences working with women, I have realized that all of us, at some time or another, take life for granted.  We casually put our dreams and desires in life on a list and say we’ll get back to them when we can.  Maybe we want to go back to school and finish a degree or finally start our own business.  Maybe it’s taking that trip to visit our friend we haven’t seen in years. Whatever it is, we assume that it will all be there for us when we’re ready to take action.  We assume that we have many years ahead of us to live.

 

My suggestion to you is that you all channel the age of 25 and believe you can accomplish anything you want.  Stop putting your goals and desires on hold, waiting for the absolute right time to change your life. The right time is NOW!

Three Tips for Better Balance

Right this minute, I’m lying on the chaise lounge in the backyard.  The fact that I’m lying down and not moving is a good step forward.  Today, I planned my dinner menus and went grocery shopping, biked 42 miles, went to a photo shoot, walked the dog, made homemade soup for dinner, created a new program idea and did paperwork. It’s hard to believe it’s Sunday.

 

Have you ever had that feeling in the back of your throat when you know you’re getting sick? You have that tickle in the back of your throat, need to cough and every bone in your body aches?  That’s how I feel right now, and I could just kick myself. I have a crazy busy week culminating with my largest presentation yet and I’m getting sick.  How could this have happened?

 

Well, it’s not really that hard to figure out— if I’m honest with myself! Let’s see, the last week started with a full day of activities and an evening appointment. I didn’t get home until 9:00 pm. Tuesday was even busier for me. I drove to Dayton and got caught in the rain while walking all over downtown. I had an appointment, then a networking event, then drove home to walk the dog before leaving for another networking event.  Again, I didn’t get home till 9:00 pm and, as usual, didn’t have dinner.  Wednesday and Thursday I attended events and didn’t eat dinner. Friday, I got up early and ran from appointment to appointment.

 

Frankly, it was not smart of me to continue to push full steam ahead when my fuel gauge was obviously running on fumes.  I should know better than to not take good care of myself! But like many women, I pride myself on accomplishments and being able to “do it all.” In lieu of my recent realizations, here are a couple reminders.

 

You can’t do everything and be everywhere— prioritize!

You don’t have to attend every single event— it’s virtually impossible. Evaluate your commitments and prioritize their importance. How does it affect your career and how does it affect your personal obligations?  Can you compromise? One of the biggest issues women deal with is their insistence on seeing these commitments in black or white options.  The truth is that there’s a vast range of choices open to you.

 

Be attuned to your bodies needs and respond accordingly.

You need to be attentive to your bodies needs; when you’re hungry, be sure to take the time to eat.  That doesn’t mean you sneak some food standing at the refrigerator.  It means you take the time to sit down and slowly eat a good, relaxing meal. When your body is telling you that it’s exhausted and can’t push anymore, listen.  Stop working and take some time out.  There is a point you hit where you’re truly not effective anymore.

 

Take some “me-time” every single day.

Even when you’re busy, find a way to take at least 20-30 minutes of “me-time” It doesn’t involve work and it doesn’t involve commitments of any kind.  It’s just something pleasurable. Everyone needs this to recharge daily.

 

I try to practice what I preach. However, I am acknowledging that in the last couple weeks, I really got off track.  All of us do now and then. The important thing is to recognize this and make a firm commitment to YOU to get back in a healthy routine. I will if you will.

 

Routine Rewards

No matter how busy my day gets, I never go to sleep without taking a hot bubble bath. That’s right, every single night. In fact, if I don’t follow through on this ritual, I have trouble calming down for the night.  You see, taking a bath signifies the end of my day for me.  During those 15 minutes in the bathtub, I am able to turn everything off in my brain, decompress and relax.  It might not work for you, but it definitely works for me.

 

The point to sharing this bit of information is that routine can be good for you. Often, my focus with women is to get outside their box and do things a little differently. I encourage them to change it up and not get stuck in their usual routine. Although this is true, you also need some things that you can count on happening regularly.

 

You need to have routines in order to accomplish things in life. When I was a working mom with young children, I would have been lost without my routines.  I counted on these routines to accomplish all my responsibilities with the kids and the house in addition to my full-time job. On Sunday mornings, I routinely made out a list of what I was going to prepare for dinner each day of the coming week. After that was decided, I would make out my grocery list and go shopping.  I never wavered from my routine because in the long run, it made my life so much easier. My fitness goals would be impossible without routine. Honestly, it would make it way too easy to not go workout if I didn’t have certain days of the week that I exercise religiously. Today, I have routines that make it possible for me to accomplish the many responsibilities in my job.  If I didn’t have my routine of spending 30 minutes in the morning answering email before getting involved in other work, I wouldn’t be able to focus on the many other responsibilities of the day.

 

Routines help us feel comfortable and secure. Everyone in life needs things they can count on no matter what’s transpiring. Having routines helps you feel comforted and safe. With rituals, there are no surprises and you know exactly what to expect.  Frankly, we all need this in our lives so we can feel in control of our universe.  For example, I cook a homemade soup every single Sunday night. My family has come to expect it and look forward to it.  You could say that it has become a tradition in our house. Traditions and rituals are an important part of your life. When the world is spinning out of control, your traditions and rituals give you a sense of comfort and help you cope.

 

I want every woman to view life as an adventure, but I would be remiss not to remind you that having certain routines is also an essential part of your healthy life.  Strive for a balance of adventures that push your limits mixed in with routines and rituals that enable you to accomplish your goals.

A Girl Scout (Cookie) Lesson

I was chatting with some neighbors in my cul-de-sac the other night. The discussion began, of course, with a diatribe about the hot weather we were experiencing and quickly moved to other subjects. Somehow, the topic then turned to Girl Scouts when one of the mothers’ mentioned that her daughter would not be selling cookies next year.

 

I asked the young girl how many boxes of cookies she had sold the previous year and she replied that she had sold 150 boxes. The mom immediately shared that her daughter hadn’t sold most of them. She then went into an explanation about how she and her husband had worked hard to sell the majority of the cookies at their jobs. With the young girl present, she stated that she and her husband had done most of the work. Laughing, I reminded mom that she and dad had chosen to do most of the work.

 

After the conversation, I started thinking about my own Girl Scout experience. I remember receiving my cookie form and being determined to sell the most cookies in the troop. I went from door to door all through the neighborhood until I had exhausted the area. Once I saw the number of cookies adding up, I felt energized to sell more. I asked my mom for a copy of the Sunday School Directory and I spent hours poring over the list, and painstakingly calling each family on the list. I couldn’t leave voicemail messages, so I would keep track of who wasn’t answering and call back later or the next day. The point is this: I pretty much hounded the families until I got them on the phone and they said yes.

 

My mother and father were both employed, but I don’t recall either one taking my Girl Scout cookie list to work with them. They had enough on their plate — they didn’t need my responsibilities in addition to their own. It wouldn’t have occurred to them to even try to assist me in this endeavor since it was my responsibility. They bought quite a few boxes and that’s where their job ended. Frankly, I don’t remember them telling me how to sell, what to say or even monitoring where I was selling. I had to make my own decisions, figure out what worked and finesse my own sales approach.

 

That year was a life-changing year for me. It was the first time it had occurred to me that I had selling skills. Not only that, but I also learned that I was quite creative in my approaches to selling more cookies. It helped me get over the fear of talking to people I didn’t know and engaging them in conversation. I refined my communication skills and learned how to listen to people. It gave me the experience of working toward and achieving my goal. On top of all that, I gained problem-solving skills, making it a huge boost to my self-esteem and sense of independence.

 

Looking back, I am thankful that my parents allowed me to OWN this experience. I am disappointed that this young girl didn’t have the same opportunity. So, this is what I want you to think about: the next time you jump to help your daughter, son, husband, sister, or friend— give it some thought. Will assisting them move them closer toward their own goals or YOUR goals? Do they have more to gain in the long term if you stand back and let them navigate on their own? The bottom line is this: women learn and grow from their own experiences, regardless of whether they succeed or fail in the experience. Allow them to do it on their own and GROW

Four Friendship Feeding Habits

 

We were out to dinner with good friends last week, enjoying happy hour with sake and sushi. My friend relayed to the waitress what she wanted for dinner, and ended her order with, “I would like extra ginger please.” I looked up at her and smiled. You know why? Because my good friend ordered that for me — she knows that I always enjoy extra ginger with my sushi. I happen to think that makes her an awesome friend and definitely a keeper. That small action inspired this week’s blog; I realized that there are certain habits that feed your friendships.

 

Go out of your way to make your friends feel special. I know this is difficult when you’re juggling so many responsibilities in your life. You probably often feel like you can’t fit any more on your plate, emotionally or logistically! However, as crazy as it seems, that one moment when she ordered the ginger for me made me feel special. It meant that she pays attention to what makes me happy and she was thinking of me. Trust me, she has plenty to keep her busy right now in her own life. But somehow, in that moment, she was able to completely focus on our friendship.

 

Mean it when you say that you forgive and forget. There are women that verbalize that they forgive but don’t let truly go in their heart. They hold on to things in their close relationships and it eventually negatively impacts the relationship. It simmers beneath the surface and when the friendship hits rocky waters, the incident from many years ago comes spewing out of their mouth. Are you guilty of this? Please try to remember that forgiving someone truly means forgiving and moving on. Acknowledge your hurt or anger, work through the emotions and move on.

 

Listen to your friend and validate their feelings. When your friend is sharing a problem with you, you most likely want them to feel better. This could lead to you trying to “fix” the problem for them. However, usually what they want and need is for you to listen and validate that you understand what they are going through. With our busy lives, it’s sometimes hard to truly listen to someone. To be an active listener requires you to focus all of your attention and energy on that one task; however, it is well worth it. A point to remember during this process is to leave judgment out of the equation. True friends don’t judge; they let their friends know that they support them. Your friend might just need to share the problem in order to come to her own conclusions.

 

Be there for your friend in the good times and the bad. Let’s be honest here. Sometimes, it’s easier for us to be there for our friends when they’re down than it is when everything is going stellar for them. You know why? It’s a little thing called jealousy. It grabs a hold of you and it’s hard to shake. At times it’s downright embarrassing to us but at some point, it happens to everyone. Here’s a tip: acknowledge your feelings and work through them. It is normal to feel envy when your life is having a downturn and your friend’s life is soaring. Accept your feelings and move on. Eventually, the tables will be turned and you will appreciate the support.

 

I believe we all can agree that our friendships are very, very important to us. I encourage you to take an honest look at YOU and your friendships and make the changes needed to be an exceptional friend.

Living in the NOW!

This week, I had the exact same conversation with two different women who both had just returned from their summer vacations. I asked each one if they were rested and ready to get back to work and they gave me the very same answer, “I wish I had enjoyed my vacation more without feeling stressed and thinking too much about things.” I don’t know about your motive to go on vacation but mine is to enjoy myself and have fun. I want to be fully present in the moment of NOW!

 

Have you ever watched a group of children playing outside? They totally get the whole living in the moment concept! When I went for a walk last night, I became entranced watching these two little girls playing in the front of their house.  The one girl was wearing her pink shirt with matching flowered shorts and hot pink cowboy boots.  The other one had a head full of curls and a brightly colored dress on with neon Converse athletic shoes.  They ran and climbed with abandon, laughing and giggling as they played. Each was fully present, never planning what came next in their adventure together.

 

If only we could channel some of their mindfulness— their ability to be fully present and live each moment as it unfolds.  Their innate skill to enjoy so completely without giving thought to time or commitments. I believe each one of us can retrain our brains to live fully present in today.  Here are a few tips to help you live life in the moment.

 

Take part in an activity that reminds you of your childhood. You know, the activity that you feel is not appropriate for mature, responsible adults! A couple of years ago, I went on a trip to Florida to visit my sister.  The two of us spent the days lying out by the pool reading our books. Built into the middle of the pool was an extensive slide system that twisted and turned and ended up on a completely different side. I watched as all the kids took turns enjoying the ride, screaming the whole way.  There was no one over the age of 12 that attempted the slide.  Finally, I insisted to my sister that she go with me.  “I just washed my hair— you go if you want to go”.  After much pleading and begging, I pulled her from the chair and pushed her into the water.  To say she was irritated with me is an understatement.  Angry, she went down the slide with me, screaming the whole way.  She splashed in the water and said, “let’s go again”.  The whole time, she acted like she was doing me a favor but I knew better. She was having a blast and completely in the moment.

 

Make an effort to not be regretting the past, or worrying about the future-just live NOW. So many of us waste time ruminating about what has already transpired in life.  What a waste of time! You can’t change the past. Learn from it and move on. On the other hand, worrying about what could happen is a complete waste of your energy.  The most important piece to remember is this; while you’re worrying, regretting and fretting, you’re missing the opportunity to live completely now.  You’re missing out on what’s happening around you in the present and losing an opportunity to thoroughly enjoy your time today. The key to controlling this bad habit is to catch you while it is happening.  Call yourself out on this behavior and say out loud, “I choose to live my life NOW”.  It might not work the first or second time you try it, but slowly you will see a shift.  You will take notice of how much time you devote to this destructive behavior.

 

I don’t know about you, but I want to be the little girl with the flowered shorts and the hot pink cowboy boots. I want to enjoy life and find joy in every moment.  So if you see me wasting precious time worrying or fretting, please call me out on this. Let’s all live in the NOW.

 

 

Addressing Doubts

It happened last night. I had that dream again. You know, the one that signals that there’s something going on in my life I need to address. It’s the dream that keeps reoccurring again and again. Maybe the characters and settings are different from the last time, but the basic premise is the same.

 

I’m unsure of my age, but I’m definitely back in high school. I sense the familiar smell of thousands of adolescents crammed into a building. I visually see the same old hallways and the stairs that take me down to the first floor. Even my best high school friend, Sally, is there with me. We’re standing at her locker and chatting with a group of girls. Sally offers to put my books in her locker so we can leave for a class program in the auditorium.

 

Somehow, I become separated from Sally and I have no idea how to get to the program in the auditorium. I walk quickly through the halls, frantically searching for the room. I run up and down the stairs looking for my friends and for the place I am supposed to be. I’m required to attend the program and I certainly don’t want to be separated from everyone else! Ready to give up, I decide I should just retrieve my books and go home. However, I can’t get my books because they are locked in Sally’s locker. I stare at her locker feeling stressed and out of control. What I need is right before my eyes, but I just can’t get to it.

 

Even when you don’t think things are on your mind, your brain is always busy. At night while you sleep, your subconscious is attempting to work out all the issues and minutiae from the day’s activities. It’s trying to make sense of the emotional stress and unresolved feelings. Don’t underestimate what you can learn from your dreams. Take them at face value and look for themes and patterns.

 

No, it doesn’t mean I want to be in high school. What it does mean is that high school was a stressful time for me. I still remember those feelings I had during those years. The reoccurring theme in the dream is not being able to find the room on time. I’ve lived this dream many times over with only the setting changing: occasionally high school, sometimes college, and often an early job. As for the piece of the story where I’m so close to my books but can’t retrieve them? That’s where I see my present hopes and dreams becoming clearer, but I still can’t touch them.

 

You know the part of your life journey where you finally make the decision to move on a new change, job, or project? The beginning is so exciting and inspirational because you have finally decided to move forward. You no longer have inertia and you are energized to be moving toward a goal. The middle of your journey is a different story. That’s the time where you feel the anxiety and stress. That is when those thoughts start to creep into your consciousness and you begin to doubt yourself. Just maybe you are not capable of everything you THINK you are capable of in life. One bad thing happens and you wonder if you should take it as evidence that the whole thing is just not going to work. You were wrong and maybe a little crazy too.

 

My dream is a reflection of all the negative thoughts that I try to keep at bay during this journey. It’s all the things I try to stuff down, yet they’re simmering right beneath the surface. That dream is my vulnerability showing.

 

We all have our doubts and our questions as to whether we can accomplish what we have set out to accomplish. That middle part of the journey is definitely the hardest part. It’s OK to acknowledge your doubts during this time, but keep moving forward. Just put one foot in front of each other and keep focusing on the goal.

Building Confidence

 

I was chatting with a woman at a networking event a couple months ago. She confided in me that it was the first time she had attended one of these types of events. It was apparent that she was not in her comfort zone and although I was quite preoccupied with greeting other people, I tried to keep an eye on her. Every so often, I made a point to check in with her and engage her in conversation.

 

A week ago, I ran into her again. This time, I had the ability to spend some quality time with her and really have a true conversation. As we got to know each other better, she confessed that this networking event was going a lot better than the first one. Because I had watched her out of the corner of my eye at the previous event, I knew exactly what she meant. And then she said, “I have been watching you. You are so confident talking to people. It’s just so easy for you. I’m just nothing like that and this is really hard for me.”

 

I shared with her that a person is rarely born with networking skills. Like everything else in life, you perfect the skill with practice. If you haven’t had many experiences walking alone into a party or event, it can be overwhelming and even daunting. If you’ve spent the last 20 minutes in the car on the way to the event convincing yourself how you don’t want to go, it will be that much harder. In lieu of this, let me offer a few tips to make socializing a bit easier.

 

Turn off your brain and just take action. When you walk into a packed room, you can easily be overwhelmed by the experience. The key is to take action and move without thinking about it too much. Don’t analyze the experience or the individuals present. Just force your body to move, walk up to someone and introduce yourself. Whatever you do, don’t grab a chair and sit down. I know that feels safe, but it immediately will put you at a disadvantage. It will also give you the opportunity to overthink what is going on and feel worse about the situation.

 

Realize that the best networkers are great listeners. If you are good at listening, you have already made it to first base in networking. You would be surprised how people truly enjoy talking about their selves. My suggestion is that you have a list in your head of the questions you might ask. For example, where do they work, have they been to this event before, etc. Also, when you become a little more comfortable, you might point out something about the person that you admire. For example, maybe they are wearing a beautiful scarf or great looking earrings. Conversation often flows from there. You can ask deeper questions with the answers you receive.

 

Greet everyone with a smile. We receive the bulk of our message from nonverbal communication. Therefore, your smile, your body, your hand gestures, relays the majority of the message to your receiver. Remember to approach people with a nonverbal message that communicates, “I am very interested in meeting you and want to be here today.” Your message shouldn’t say, “I am dreading every single minute of this and can’t wait to get out and I am absolutely not interested in learning anything about you.” Don’t laugh; I remember meeting a woman that conveyed this very message to me.

 

I didn’t take it personally because she treated every person at the lunch the exact same way.

 

Treat everyone that you meet in life with the same level of interest. I just discussed this with a new friend I met networking. Nothing burns us more than when we meet someone who’s warmth and friendliness is in direct relation to whether we can further their career. Apparently, it’s all about what’s in it for them. Be friendly and kind with everyone. Period.

 

If the suggestions here seem too difficult, you might have to further develop your acting skills. Eventually, with enough practice, this whole thing called networking will become more natural.