Let It Go

images kitten in mirror

 

I met a friend for lunch the other day.  As we talked, the conversation slowly turned to strong women “finding their inner sass”.  I was telling her about my presentation that I give on courage and confidence. During the talk, I spend time discussing why women struggle to find their voice.

 

I looked over at her and she had a funny look on her face.  I asked her what was confusing her— she stated that she can’t imagine that the women that she works with struggle with this concept of “finding your voice”. She shared that they are all strong women that are very clear on who they are and what they want in life.

 

I listened to her and reminded her that although she must work with some strong authentic women, there are still plenty that are working daily on this goal.

 

I thought about this off and on for the rest of the day.  After dinner, I went out to my car and began to clean it out. I found a big bin of supplies I had left in my car since I had last given a large presentation.  I brought it in the house and dragged it upstairs to my office.  I took out my props and then I saw the many crumpled pieces of paper covering the bottom of the bin.

 

During the presentation, I asked these very strong, professional women to think about the beliefs that were holding them back in life.  What are all those negative thoughts that come to mind when you’re feeling bad about yourself?  Those “go to” ones that swirl around in your head and play in an endless loop in your brain?  Most of the time, you rationally accept that they don’t define you, but when you’re at your most vulnerable, you believe every single word.

 

I asked each woman in the room to write them down on paper and ceremoniously let them go by throwing them in my bin.  I watched as the whole room got busy writing on their small pieces of paper and eagerly came to me as I walked around, dragging my bin.

 

Now, back to the present— I’m sitting on the floor of my office and seeing the many crumpled pieces of paper. I decided that I would take a look and see what the women had written.  What I found, devastated me.  One after another, each woman shared that they were not enough. They weren’t smart enough, pretty enough, thin enough.  Over and over and over I read the same exact words until I had cleaned out my whole bin.

 

I thought back to my friend and her comment about the strong women in her workplace.  They could never have a problem finding their own voice, right?  Wrong. Here was proof of what was really going on inside of all of us.  Yes, most of the time we know who we are, we’re successful, and we accomplish great things.  But down deep, way deep, there’s that constant nagging doubt that no matter what we accomplish, it just might not be ENOUGH.

 

Most of the time, you probably appear as if you have it together, you know what you want and you know where you’re going.  But if you’re brutally honest, you’ll admit that it’s sometimes a great illusion for others to witness. There are obviously still things that are holding of you (and even me!) back from true greatness and success. There are still doubts in each and every one of us that hold us back from unbridled happiness.

 

I believe that it’s time to let this go.

 

 

 

 

 

Let It Go

images kitten in mirror

 

I met a friend for lunch the other day.  As we talked, the conversation slowly turned to strong women “finding their inner sass”.  I was telling her about my presentation that I give on courage and confidence. During the talk, I spend time discussing why women struggle to find their voice.

 

I looked over at her and she had a funny look on her face.  I asked her what was confusing her— she stated that she can’t imagine that the women that she works with struggle with this concept of “finding your voice”. She shared that they are all strong women that are very clear on who they are and what they want in life.

 

I listened to her and reminded her that although she must work with some strong authentic women, there are still plenty that are working daily on this goal.

 

I thought about this off and on for the rest of the day.  After dinner, I went out to my car and began to clean it out. I found a big bin of supplies I had left in my car since I had last given a large presentation.  I brought it in the house and dragged it upstairs to my office.  I took out my props and then I saw the many crumpled pieces of paper covering the bottom of the bin.

 

During the presentation, I asked these very strong, professional women to think about the beliefs that were holding them back in life.  What are all those negative thoughts that come to mind when you’re feeling bad about yourself?  Those “go to” ones that swirl around in your head and play in an endless loop in your brain?  Most of the time, you rationally accept that they don’t define you, but when you’re at your most vulnerable, you believe every single word.

 

I asked each woman in the room to write them down on paper and ceremoniously let them go by throwing them in my bin.  I watched as the whole room got busy writing on their small pieces of paper and eagerly came to me as I walked around, dragging my bin.

 

Now, back to the present— I’m sitting on the floor of my office and seeing the many crumpled pieces of paper. I decided that I would take a look and see what the women had written.  What I found, devastated me.  One after another, each woman shared that they were not enough. They weren’t smart enough, pretty enough, thin enough.  Over and over and over I read the same exact words until I had cleaned out my whole bin.

 

I thought back to my friend and her comment about the strong women in her workplace.  They could never have a problem finding their own voice, right?  Wrong. Here was proof of what was really going on inside of all of us.  Yes, most of the time we know who we are, we’re successful, and we accomplish great things.  But down deep, way deep, there’s that constant nagging doubt that no matter what we accomplish, it just might not be ENOUGH.

 

Most of the time, you probably appear as if you have it together, you know what you want and you know where you’re going.  But if you’re brutally honest, you’ll admit that it’s sometimes a great illusion for others to witness. There are obviously still things that are holding of you (and even me!) back from true greatness and success. There are still doubts in each and every one of us that hold us back from unbridled happiness.

 

I believe that it’s time to let this go.

 

 

 

 

 

Perfectionitis

images perfection

A few years ago, I spoke to a large group of moms about finding happiness in life.  The audience was a diverse mix of mothers; ones that stayed home with their children and ones that combined a career with motherhood.  I have to admit that I received a number of really fabulous questions from the audience.  However, there’s one question that I can’t seem to ever forget.

 

I believe it best represents this idea of perfection that some people strive to achieve.

 

A woman in the back of the audience stood up and shared that no matter how productive she is during the day, she feels like a failure if she goes to bed and her floors aren’t clean.  She admitted that most nights, she lies in bed thinking about how she failed again because her floors are filthy.  She was exhausted for feeling this way but didn’t quite know what to do about it.

 

I asked her if she truly thought that when her kids grow up they would remember whether their floors were spotless in their childhood. Not a chance. However, they would remember their relationship with their mother and the feelings of warmth they received from their family.  Now, let me be clear that I’m not advocating an unclean home by any means. What I am advocating for is a rational approach to housekeeping and the ability to forgive your self if things aren’t exactly perfect in every part of your life.

 

Perfection can be an exhausting habit to maintain over time. I know firsthand that it can control and severely limit your life.  Yes, I’m writing this as a recovered perfectionist.

 

But somewhere along the way of gaining more self-awareness and understanding, I made a decision that perfection was not something positive to attain in my professional or personal life. Most of the time, I was able to control this dysfunctional approach to life, but once and awhile it would rear its ugly head again. For example, I remember when I was working on my Masters and I took a final in one of my hardest classes.  I came home extremely upset because I was convinced that I received a bad grade on the exam. If I received a B or C on the exam, I would receive a B in the class. If I received a B in the class, I would no longer graduate with a perfect 4.0. If I didn’t graduate with a perfect 4.0, apparently, the world will have ended.

 

I emailed my professor and explained my concern over how bad I had done on the test. I was anxious, sad and quite a mess for the next 30 minutes.  That’s exactly how long it took for my professor to write me back. I received a very long letter from him about his life and his struggles.  I got halfway through this letter and stopped to question why any of this had to do with MY issue.  Then I continued to read and understood the meaning.  He was sharing how his struggles, and his grades had no significance to his current success in his life.  His grades were just grades— that’s it.

 

Finally, I got to the end of the long letter and read the last line.

 

“Oh, by the way, if it still truly matters to you, you got an A on the exam, which means that you got an A in the class”.

 

I felt like a fool. In fact, the whole thing made me think about how perfection can be destructive. Was I really not a worthy person if I received a B?

 

That’s what striving for perfection really comes down to: your feelings of worthiness as a human being. As long as you meet all the expectations set by you, for you, you have a shot at being a worthy individual.  The minute you fall short, you have failed the test of life.

 

I hope you reevaluate this expectation and change some thinking, as I did years ago.  You have nothing to lose and everything to gain.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Women and Friendships

I was having dinner with two work friends the other evening and the talk turned to women and friendships.  One of my friends shared how she had recently joined a new group and certain women were making it abundantly clear that she was not accepted.  She had “heard” that they resented her material possessions— her house, her car etc. Of course, this was conveyed in a passive-aggressive manner. Never the less, she had received the very clear message that she was not like them.  She was different and that was not a good thing.  She felt understandably angry about not being accepted, but beneath the anger was hurt.

 

The conversation turned to why women take part in this negative behavior.  You know, the junior high and high school antics that are forever etched in our memory. Well, at least they are in mine.  I remember clearly being iced out of my clique in 8th grade by a group of mean girls. The hurt was devastating at that age and it truly felt as if I wouldn’t survive this experience.

 

The pain is not any less intense when you encounter the same behavior as an adult. In the 2005 book, “Mean Girls Grown Up”, women studies and relational aggression author Cheryl Dellasega explored what happened to those mean girls when they grew up.  Will it shock you if I tell you that the author concluded that a significant number of them continue to act aggressively (or passive-aggressively) in their personal and professional life?  The power games and targeted, attacking behavior are a part of their regular interactions.

 

So what can you do when you encounter this type of behavior?

 

1. As difficult as it is, don’t get caught up in this toxic encounter.  Step outside the experience and take an objective look at the situation. Sometimes you can get so tied up in your own hurt and anger, you can fail to see how this is less about your insecurities and more about someone else’s. This is typical behavior for a woman that feels threatened.  Understand and accept that you probably have nothing to do with her reaction. If you can do a self-check and agree that you have been nothing but kind and respectful to this individual, then try your best to move on.

 

2.  Focus on the friendships that nourish and feed you.  It’s human behavior to focus on what we can’t have and the negatives in our life.  However, force yourself to focus on the good and the quality friendships that do exist.  Invest your time in the relationships that are based on non-judgmental acceptance. These friendships are proof that you are more than capable of lasting, loving relationships.

 

3.  If you’re feeling strong and your emotions are in check, attempt to have a healthy discussion with the individual. State the facts, convey how the situation made you feel, and say what you would like to see happen. To be effective, you must approach this devoid of all emotion, name-calling, and finger pointing. Don’t expect miracles in this approach— chances are good that she’ll refuse to take any responsibility. However, expressing your feelings in a healthy manner could help YOU feel some power in the situation and more at peace.

 

It’s difficult enough for women to succeed with the pressures in today’s workplace. All women need to support one another and REFUSE to turn a blind eye to mean girl behavior in the workplace and beyond.

 

I’m calling an all out war— who’s with me?

Four Things to Change

It’s no secret that I work daily with women that are itching to change their lives.  All my work with women has let me to realize that they tend to grapple with the same familiar issues over and over. These issues are the very things that end up holding women back from moving forward and finding happiness and success.  Where do you fall on this spectrum of behaviors that need to change?

 

Women have difficulty accepting compliments

I must confess that I’m guilty of this behavior. Do you know how many times I find myself doing this?  Here’s how the scenario usually unfolds: someone compliments me on my dress or outfit. I don’t say thank you, but I spend the next 5 minutes explaining to them the great deal I got on the dress, shoes etc.  Now, why do I do this? It’s because I feel awkward about receiving so much attention and positive praise. Obviously, I’ve been programmed to downplay the positives that come my way. I want to be liked. I need to stop this and so do you.

 

Women comparing themselves to others

If you tell me that you have never taken part in this behavior, I don’t believe you. At some point in your life, you fall back into this toxic pattern.  Some women play this game for a lifetime, which invariably results in unhappiness.  The reality is that there will always be someone with a better wardrobe, a more fabulous husband, a bigger house and a better life.  That is, it will appear to be that way.  No one’s life is perfect and women only let you see what they want you to see.  When you find yourself falling back into this behavior, do an inventory of your own unhappiness in your life, and know that this is really about YOU.

 

Women not accepting their own body

I know I talk about this a lot but I need to bring it up again. This is a universal issue for women and from my vantage point, it seems to be getting worse instead of better. Most women do not feel comfortable in their own skin.  They spend a lot of time explaining to me why their body is not acceptable. I feel the key to making peace with your body is shifting your expectations and perspective.  Instead of zeroing in on the specific issues you have with your body, concentrate on making your body strong.  See your body as a tool you utilize to accomplish your goals. Get fit, get strong and let the rest go.

 

Women need to cut down on their daily dose of guilt

Many of you just assume that guilt comes with the roles of worker, wife, mom, and daughter.  Although some guilt is inevitable when you lead a multitasking life, many women take this to a whole new level.  Feeling guilt becomes a constant in their lives.  They fret about the minutiae in their day and constantly feel like they’re letting others down. It becomes so intense that they can’t even see that the person they’re letting down the most is the one staring in the mirror. I believe that they need a reality check from an outsider that can help them see the truth in the situation.

 

So the question you must honestly ask yourself is, “where do I fall in all this”?  Do I see myself in any of these descriptions?  If so, do some work in letting go of these toxic behaviors and becoming the person you were meant to be.

 

 

 

Four Things to Change

It’s no secret that I work daily with women that are itching to change their lives.  All my work with women has let me to realize that they tend to grapple with the same familiar issues over and over. These issues are the very things that end up holding women back from moving forward and finding happiness and success.  Where do you fall on this spectrum of behaviors that need to change?

 

Women have difficulty accepting compliments

I must confess that I’m guilty of this behavior. Do you know how many times I find myself doing this?  Here’s how the scenario usually unfolds: someone compliments me on my dress or outfit. I don’t say thank you, but I spend the next 5 minutes explaining to them the great deal I got on the dress, shoes etc.  Now, why do I do this? It’s because I feel awkward about receiving so much attention and positive praise. Obviously, I’ve been programmed to downplay the positives that come my way. I want to be liked. I need to stop this and so do you.

 

Women comparing themselves to others

If you tell me that you have never taken part in this behavior, I don’t believe you. At some point in your life, you fall back into this toxic pattern.  Some women play this game for a lifetime, which invariably results in unhappiness.  The reality is that there will always be someone with a better wardrobe, a more fabulous husband, a bigger house and a better life.  That is, it will appear to be that way.  No one’s life is perfect and women only let you see what they want you to see.  When you find yourself falling back into this behavior, do an inventory of your own unhappiness in your life, and know that this is really about YOU.

 

Women not accepting their own body

I know I talk about this a lot but I need to bring it up again. This is a universal issue for women and from my vantage point, it seems to be getting worse instead of better. Most women do not feel comfortable in their own skin.  They spend a lot of time explaining to me why their body is not acceptable. I feel the key to making peace with your body is shifting your expectations and perspective.  Instead of zeroing in on the specific issues you have with your body, concentrate on making your body strong.  See your body as a tool you utilize to accomplish your goals. Get fit, get strong and let the rest go.

 

Women need to cut down on their daily dose of guilt

Many of you just assume that guilt comes with the roles of worker, wife, mom, and daughter.  Although some guilt is inevitable when you lead a multitasking life, many women take this to a whole new level.  Feeling guilt becomes a constant in their lives.  They fret about the minutiae in their day and constantly feel like they’re letting others down. It becomes so intense that they can’t even see that the person they’re letting down the most is the one staring in the mirror. I believe that they need a reality check from an outsider that can help them see the truth in the situation.

 

So the question you must honestly ask yourself is, “where do I fall in all this”?  Do I see myself in any of these descriptions?  If so, do some work in letting go of these toxic behaviors and becoming the person you were meant to be.

 

 

 

Face your Fears

Recently, I used a magic wand in a speaking presentation.  It happens to be one of my favorite props for a number of reasons.  Wouldn’t it be fabulous if all we needed to do was raise our magic wand and poof— all our fears and challenges in life would just go away? In just one wave of a wand, you could have your perfect carefree life, devoid of all the distress and challenges. Many women I come across think that it’s just that easy.

 

When I was in grade school, I was deathly afraid of speaking in front of the class, which I’m sure is very hard to believe. However, this confession is true.  In fact, my fear was so real that I would actually be in terror from the day I was assigned the date of my presentation to the day I finally presented.  On a regular basis, I would work myself up into such a panic that I would get genuinely sick on my appointed day to speak.  My fear was all encompassing.

 

Now, I’m not sure from where this fear originated. I don’t recollect any traumatic experiences during a class presentation, I just remember being so incredibly scared that I couldn’t even function.  Throughout Junior High and High School, this same fear didn’t leave me. The thought of standing in front of everyone was just horrifying to me.  In each speaking experience, I went through the same dreaded feelings and the same apprehension beforehand.

 

When I went away to college, I made a decision. I wasn’t going to live my life hiding in fear any longer.  My mother had always taught me to face confrontation and problems head-on and that’s exactly what I intended to do.  You know why? Because the feeling I had when backing down to my fear was worst than the actual fear. The feelings I experienced while giving in to this challenge was hurting my self-esteem. I decided that taking a speech class was the best way to tackle the issue.

 

Something funny happened on the way to confronting my fear: I realized that I was a pretty good speaker.  Sure, the first week was dicey, but as time went on, I just got better and better. Each week, I gained a little more confidence and assurance in my presentation skills.  By the end of the class, I was actually enjoying myself.  My fear had vanished and as unbelievable as it sounds, there was excitement and enjoyment in its place.

 

Now, back to the magic wand. I’m sorry to say that there’s no quick fix to overcoming your fears. There’s no short cut to gaining courage and confidence in life.  I talk to plenty of women that want to believe they can put a band-aid on the problem and call it a day.  The truth is that your courage, confidence or “inner sass” grows with life experiences. It strengthens when you confront your demons and refuse to back down regardless of how anxious, uncomfortable and miserable you become during the process.

 

I don’t know what’s on your list of fears but I do know one thing for sure— not confronting your fear slowly chips away at your confidence and self-worth. You might not be conscious of this fact but it’s true.

 

My advice to you is to throw away the magic wand and do the hard work. Whatever you fear is probably way past it’s expiration date.

Face your Fears

Recently, I used a magic wand in a speaking presentation.  It happens to be one of my favorite props for a number of reasons.  Wouldn’t it be fabulous if all we needed to do was raise our magic wand and poof— all our fears and challenges in life would just go away? In just one wave of a wand, you could have your perfect carefree life, devoid of all the distress and challenges. Many women I come across think that it’s just that easy.

 

When I was in grade school, I was deathly afraid of speaking in front of the class, which I’m sure is very hard to believe. However, this confession is true.  In fact, my fear was so real that I would actually be in terror from the day I was assigned the date of my presentation to the day I finally presented.  On a regular basis, I would work myself up into such a panic that I would get genuinely sick on my appointed day to speak.  My fear was all encompassing.

 

Now, I’m not sure from where this fear originated. I don’t recollect any traumatic experiences during a class presentation, I just remember being so incredibly scared that I couldn’t even function.  Throughout Junior High and High School, this same fear didn’t leave me. The thought of standing in front of everyone was just horrifying to me.  In each speaking experience, I went through the same dreaded feelings and the same apprehension beforehand.

 

When I went away to college, I made a decision. I wasn’t going to live my life hiding in fear any longer.  My mother had always taught me to face confrontation and problems head-on and that’s exactly what I intended to do.  You know why? Because the feeling I had when backing down to my fear was worst than the actual fear. The feelings I experienced while giving in to this challenge was hurting my self-esteem. I decided that taking a speech class was the best way to tackle the issue.

 

Something funny happened on the way to confronting my fear: I realized that I was a pretty good speaker.  Sure, the first week was dicey, but as time went on, I just got better and better. Each week, I gained a little more confidence and assurance in my presentation skills.  By the end of the class, I was actually enjoying myself.  My fear had vanished and as unbelievable as it sounds, there was excitement and enjoyment in its place.

 

Now, back to the magic wand. I’m sorry to say that there’s no quick fix to overcoming your fears. There’s no short cut to gaining courage and confidence in life.  I talk to plenty of women that want to believe they can put a band-aid on the problem and call it a day.  The truth is that your courage, confidence or “inner sass” grows with life experiences. It strengthens when you confront your demons and refuse to back down regardless of how anxious, uncomfortable and miserable you become during the process.

 

I don’t know what’s on your list of fears but I do know one thing for sure— not confronting your fear slowly chips away at your confidence and self-worth. You might not be conscious of this fact but it’s true.

 

My advice to you is to throw away the magic wand and do the hard work. Whatever you fear is probably way past it’s expiration date.

Happiness Thermostat

My husband insists on putting the thermostat down as low as possible in the summer AND the winter.  In the summer, he wants the rooms as chilly as possible and in the winter, he’s comfortable in a cool room. I’m the polar opposite of him.  In the winter, I’m constantly freezing and want the heat up as high as possible.  In the summer, I’m constantly freezing in air conditioning and don’t want cold air blowing on me. Apparently, my internal thermostat is quite different than his.

 

Our “happiness thermostat” also couldn’t be more opposite. My happiness thermostat is set on “happy” 97% of all the days of the year.  When I dip from that set point, I bounce back fairly quick.  I’m sorry to say that the same can’t be said about him.  There are dramatic ups and downs from day to day and I don’t see anything close to my degree of happiness.  He has a more subdued feeling that probably translates to “life is pretty good but I don’t want to say it’s great because something could happen to change that and then I would be VERY unhappy”.

 

According to a happiness theory, each one of you has a distinct set point of happiness.  You hover back and forth around that set point but you basically stay in that specific range your whole life.  In a society that is obsessed with finding happiness, it’s important to think about this bit of information I just shared.  Looking back on your life, do you see the pattern of your happiness?  Of course there’s ups and downs when you hit some trying times in your life, but basically, day to day, what is your happiness thermostat set on?

 

Why are there people that have very few material possessions, yet are able to find a way to be happy? How do they find happiness when the odds are stacked against them? Don’t they know how miserable they should be? On the other hand, I’ve seen women that look like they possess everything that they would ever desire in life and yet they’re still miserable. They’re terribly unhappy and they search for the “thing” that will bring them happiness.

 

Maybe part of the problem is how we view happiness.  If you view happiness in life as a constant state of bliss, you may be getting closer to why you’re not “finding it”.  Life isn’t all about one perfect, fabulous day after another. There are days that are trying, stressful and hard work but you can still be happy. Not that “crazy with excitement” happy, but an “I am satisfied and appreciate life and everyone in it” happy.

 

There is a need for us to permanently change our way of thinking about that five-letter word. Accept that there are going to be down times in your life when you’re sad. Sad doesn’t mean depressed.  There’s a big difference between sad and depressed and our society often forgets that. Depressed is a serious condition while sad is an important universal feeling that all of us come to know now and then. Between you and me, I think we live in a society that’s terrified of being sad.  We’ll do anything to feel “happy” again.  Readjust your thinking on this and get comfortable with knowing you can feel sad in a situation and it’s not the end of the world. It’s just a part of life.

 

I hope you’re thinking about your own thermostat and how you can make some positive changes that will help you find a place of happiness. That ecstatic blissed out feeling happens now and then in your life, but that feeling of appreciation for being alive, that satisfaction with your family and friends— that’s the “happy” you need to come to expect in your life.

Dealing With Difficult People

Have you ever had to deal with difficult people in your personal or professional life? I’m talking about someone that absolutely drives you wacky and brings out the worst in you! Maybe it’s that ONE individual that drives you so crazy at work that you’ve contemplated quitting your job. But here’s the problem with using that kind of exit strategy as a solution; difficult people are everywhere.

 

They’re part of our families, they live in our neighborhoods, and often share the cubicle beside us at work.  Because of this, learning to deal with these people is an important skill to master. Here are a couple tips to help you navigate the rough social terrain.

 

Try your best to keep the emotion out of your interactions. I know what you’re thinking; that’s easier said than done!  But the fact is, losing your temper will just escalate the situation and that’s the last thing you need! At work, a flaring temper can backfire on you and make it appear that you’re the “difficult one” in the relationship.

 

Try to understand what motivates this individual.  Attempt to understand the underlying reason for this individual’s behavior.  Once you’re aware of what truly motivates them to do what they do, you can develop some empathy for the individual. This, in turn, can help keep your emotions in check.  For example, maybe you have a co-worker that talks incessantly and it drives you bonkers. Looking beneath the surface, you might discover this is someone that’s lonely in his or her personal life and starved for human contact during the workday. This enables you to change your perspective on the situation.

 

Don’t waste time lamenting, talking and gossiping about this person. Talking about this person to others and how they’re driving you crazy is a natural reaction to this situation. However, if you’re spending every waking hour talking, thinking and stressing about this person, you need to reassess your priorities in life. Is this truly a valuable use of your time and energy? None of this behavior is going to change or improve the situation.

 

Reach out to someone you respect and trust to get their opinion. I once worked in a company where I clashed horrifically with a woman I’ll call Ann. I began to believe our relationship issues were my fault entirely, so I kept trying harder and harder to make it right. I reached out to a trusted individual that no longer worked in the company.  Before I said anything to her about the situation, she asked me if I worked with Ann. I asked her why and she went into a 10-minute tirade about how Ann drove her crazy until she finally left her job.  I immediately felt validated, which in turn made me feel energized to come up with strategies to deal with the situation. Talking with someone you respect helps you look at the situation objectively.

 

Assess what you CAN control in the situation, and what you can’t.  You can’t get control the fact that there are going to be certain times you’ll be forced to interact with this person. You CAN control whether you have boundaries with this individual.  For example, if you work with this person, you don’t HAVE to go out to lunch with her every day and you don’t HAVE to be friends with her outside of the workplace.  Limit the amount of time you interact with her during your day as much as possible.

 

Accept the fact that you’ll need to treat this person differently than the way you treat other people. You’re not going to be able to be “you” every time you’re in their presence. You’ll need to be aware of your boundaries, keep your guard up and careful about what you say in this person’s presence.

 

There will always be difficult people around us; it’s just a fact of life. However, learning how to interact with difficult people is an essential skill needed if you are striving to be happy, healthy and successful. I know you can do it, girlfriend!