Four Things to Change

It’s no secret that I work daily with women that are itching to change their lives.  All my work with women has let me to realize that they tend to grapple with the same familiar issues over and over. These issues are the very things that end up holding women back from moving forward and finding happiness and success.  Where do you fall on this spectrum of behaviors that need to change?

 

Women have difficulty accepting compliments

I must confess that I’m guilty of this behavior. Do you know how many times I find myself doing this?  Here’s how the scenario usually unfolds: someone compliments me on my dress or outfit. I don’t say thank you, but I spend the next 5 minutes explaining to them the great deal I got on the dress, shoes etc.  Now, why do I do this? It’s because I feel awkward about receiving so much attention and positive praise. Obviously, I’ve been programmed to downplay the positives that come my way. I want to be liked. I need to stop this and so do you.

 

Women comparing themselves to others

If you tell me that you have never taken part in this behavior, I don’t believe you. At some point in your life, you fall back into this toxic pattern.  Some women play this game for a lifetime, which invariably results in unhappiness.  The reality is that there will always be someone with a better wardrobe, a more fabulous husband, a bigger house and a better life.  That is, it will appear to be that way.  No one’s life is perfect and women only let you see what they want you to see.  When you find yourself falling back into this behavior, do an inventory of your own unhappiness in your life, and know that this is really about YOU.

 

Women not accepting their own body

I know I talk about this a lot but I need to bring it up again. This is a universal issue for women and from my vantage point, it seems to be getting worse instead of better. Most women do not feel comfortable in their own skin.  They spend a lot of time explaining to me why their body is not acceptable. I feel the key to making peace with your body is shifting your expectations and perspective.  Instead of zeroing in on the specific issues you have with your body, concentrate on making your body strong.  See your body as a tool you utilize to accomplish your goals. Get fit, get strong and let the rest go.

 

Women need to cut down on their daily dose of guilt

Many of you just assume that guilt comes with the roles of worker, wife, mom, and daughter.  Although some guilt is inevitable when you lead a multitasking life, many women take this to a whole new level.  Feeling guilt becomes a constant in their lives.  They fret about the minutiae in their day and constantly feel like they’re letting others down. It becomes so intense that they can’t even see that the person they’re letting down the most is the one staring in the mirror. I believe that they need a reality check from an outsider that can help them see the truth in the situation.

 

So the question you must honestly ask yourself is, “where do I fall in all this”?  Do I see myself in any of these descriptions?  If so, do some work in letting go of these toxic behaviors and becoming the person you were meant to be.

 

 

 

Four Things to Change

It’s no secret that I work daily with women that are itching to change their lives.  All my work with women has let me to realize that they tend to grapple with the same familiar issues over and over. These issues are the very things that end up holding women back from moving forward and finding happiness and success.  Where do you fall on this spectrum of behaviors that need to change?

 

Women have difficulty accepting compliments

I must confess that I’m guilty of this behavior. Do you know how many times I find myself doing this?  Here’s how the scenario usually unfolds: someone compliments me on my dress or outfit. I don’t say thank you, but I spend the next 5 minutes explaining to them the great deal I got on the dress, shoes etc.  Now, why do I do this? It’s because I feel awkward about receiving so much attention and positive praise. Obviously, I’ve been programmed to downplay the positives that come my way. I want to be liked. I need to stop this and so do you.

 

Women comparing themselves to others

If you tell me that you have never taken part in this behavior, I don’t believe you. At some point in your life, you fall back into this toxic pattern.  Some women play this game for a lifetime, which invariably results in unhappiness.  The reality is that there will always be someone with a better wardrobe, a more fabulous husband, a bigger house and a better life.  That is, it will appear to be that way.  No one’s life is perfect and women only let you see what they want you to see.  When you find yourself falling back into this behavior, do an inventory of your own unhappiness in your life, and know that this is really about YOU.

 

Women not accepting their own body

I know I talk about this a lot but I need to bring it up again. This is a universal issue for women and from my vantage point, it seems to be getting worse instead of better. Most women do not feel comfortable in their own skin.  They spend a lot of time explaining to me why their body is not acceptable. I feel the key to making peace with your body is shifting your expectations and perspective.  Instead of zeroing in on the specific issues you have with your body, concentrate on making your body strong.  See your body as a tool you utilize to accomplish your goals. Get fit, get strong and let the rest go.

 

Women need to cut down on their daily dose of guilt

Many of you just assume that guilt comes with the roles of worker, wife, mom, and daughter.  Although some guilt is inevitable when you lead a multitasking life, many women take this to a whole new level.  Feeling guilt becomes a constant in their lives.  They fret about the minutiae in their day and constantly feel like they’re letting others down. It becomes so intense that they can’t even see that the person they’re letting down the most is the one staring in the mirror. I believe that they need a reality check from an outsider that can help them see the truth in the situation.

 

So the question you must honestly ask yourself is, “where do I fall in all this”?  Do I see myself in any of these descriptions?  If so, do some work in letting go of these toxic behaviors and becoming the person you were meant to be.

 

 

 

Personality Tests

My husband came home from a week of job training that included test taking to discover personality traits.  He was excited to share it with me and wondered if I had come across this assessment in my career. As he explained his results, he tried to ascertain where I would fall on this test’s continuum.  I listened with amusement; he obviously took the whole process very seriously.

 

When I was in high school, I took a so-called career test to help me discover what I should do with my life. I waited with anticipation as the results were passed out to each one of us.  I scanned the paper feverishly to find the key to my future.  On the bottom of the page, it showed my results. I read the description of my future and slumped in my chair. According to the career inventory test, my perfect career was as a Nurses Aide. I’m not quite sure how this was decided, but I felt instantly depressed and defeated. To me, that seemed to be the farthest thing from who I was and what I wanted to do in life.  As I processed this information, a thought popped in my head: Why do I think that this test knows what I want in life? Only I can decide who I am and what I will accomplish in my life. How dare that test tell me that being a nurse’s aide is my fate!

 

That experience was pivotal for me.  It proved to me that tests are not always accurate and they should be treated as a guide and tool in the process of learning more about self.  Below are a few reasons why I feel that these assessments sometimes fail to deliver.

 

You can answer the questions as your wishful self, instead of who you actually are. People are not always honest when they take a test.  Sometimes, even though they’re instructed to give real answers, they can’t help but answer as the individual they desire to be in life, instead of how their traits and behavior actually play out. For example, maybe they believe only extroverts are successful in life.  In lieu of this, they unconsciously slant their answers to convey this trait.

 

Some individuals don’t understand “self” well enough to answer appropriately.  It comes down to knowing you.  If you haven’t done your work to learn more about who you are, it’s very possible that your test won’t clearly reflect the true you.  Many of the questions demand an individual to reflect on their own behavior, and some people just don’t see themselves very clearly.  They may not be able to recognize some of their behaviors and actions in life.

 

The test results could change according to how you’re feeling about yourself. I remember taking a test at a time in my life where I was miserable in my career. According to the administrator, it was to reveal my strengths and my personality.  If I shared the results, you would have one of the biggest laughs of your life. I wasn’t in a good place in my life, and that really came through in the results. I didn’t answer the questions like my usual self, and the results were quite skewed. Looking back now, I’m thankful that I didn’t take them to heart and build my life around them.

 

I use assessments daily in my coaching work. However, I see them as another tool to use in the process.  Healthy discussion on key topics is often more helpful in uncovering the information that will help us find your path. Don’t put more trust in these assessments than they actually deserve.