Fear of Aging

I was having a conversation with a friend the other day. She was talking about how she was approaching “a certain birthday” and how hard it was to get older.  During the discussion, she shared her fear of getting older and what it now feels like to hear her age said out loud.  She explained how it seemed unbelievable that she could truly be that number on her driver’s license.

 

The conversation continued as she began to share all her fears of staying active and reaching the age where her health could fail. She admitted that these thoughts were consuming a lot of her time. It rattled her to hear that a friend’s mother had died at the age that she was approaching.  As I listened to her, I gave deep thought as to whether I’ve been experiencing the same feelings and beliefs about growing old.

 

I believe that John Glenn might have said it best when he said the following:

“Too many people, when they get old, believe that they have to live by the calendar.”

 

In other words, they allow the number on their birth certificate to influence the decisions that they make in life. They rationalize why it’s too late for them to go back to school or attempt a marathon. They are convinced that their days of learning and growing are over because, according to the calendar, they just can’t or shouldn’t do it anymore. They don’t check in with how they feel, emotionally and physically, in order to make their ultimate decision.  They live by the rules that have been established by their beliefs, values or culture.

 

I was recently taking a spinning class at the gym. There were about eight women of all ages, shapes and sizes in the class. At one point, I caught a glimpse in the mirror during the most strenuous part of the class. Every woman was sweating and working feverishly to keep on going.  Let me backtrack a bit and share that I’m one of the older ones in the class. At that moment, I realized that I was going the fastest by far and wasn’t breathing even half as hard as my teammates. A shot of adrenalin rushed through my body with this realization and I felt strong and empowered with this new knowledge. Most of all, I felt young.

 

I suppose if I chose to, I could just have easily taken that glimpse in the mirror and focused on the wrinkles in my face and the veins sticking out on my legs.  I could have analyzed every piece of me that looked different than it did 20 years ago. Trust me, there’s plenty. I could have gone right from that realization to lamenting the fact that I can’t run anymore because of my chronic back issues. However, I CHOSE to not focus on what I CAN’T do, but zero in on what I CAN.

 

Eleanor Roosevelt said, “The purpose of life is to live it, to taste experience to the utmost, to reach out eagerly and without fear for newer and richer experiences.” I’ve found that the happiest women in life live their days in this very manner. So, instead of focusing on the fact that I can’t run, I focus on the increase in stamina I have in biking. Instead of focusing on how the years are going by and I’m getting old, I put my energy into my passion— helping other women move forward in their life. I try to live out my purpose and passion in every day of my life, while being open to new experiences. Ironically, this leaves little time to focus on regrets of the past, or fears of the future.

 

So far, it seems to be working.

Four Friendship Feeding Habits

 

We were out to dinner with good friends last week, enjoying happy hour with sake and sushi. My friend relayed to the waitress what she wanted for dinner, and ended her order with, “I would like extra ginger please.” I looked up at her and smiled. You know why? Because my good friend ordered that for me — she knows that I always enjoy extra ginger with my sushi. I happen to think that makes her an awesome friend and definitely a keeper. That small action inspired this week’s blog; I realized that there are certain habits that feed your friendships.

 

Go out of your way to make your friends feel special. I know this is difficult when you’re juggling so many responsibilities in your life. You probably often feel like you can’t fit any more on your plate, emotionally or logistically! However, as crazy as it seems, that one moment when she ordered the ginger for me made me feel special. It meant that she pays attention to what makes me happy and she was thinking of me. Trust me, she has plenty to keep her busy right now in her own life. But somehow, in that moment, she was able to completely focus on our friendship.

 

Mean it when you say that you forgive and forget. There are women that verbalize that they forgive but don’t let truly go in their heart. They hold on to things in their close relationships and it eventually negatively impacts the relationship. It simmers beneath the surface and when the friendship hits rocky waters, the incident from many years ago comes spewing out of their mouth. Are you guilty of this? Please try to remember that forgiving someone truly means forgiving and moving on. Acknowledge your hurt or anger, work through the emotions and move on.

 

Listen to your friend and validate their feelings. When your friend is sharing a problem with you, you most likely want them to feel better. This could lead to you trying to “fix” the problem for them. However, usually what they want and need is for you to listen and validate that you understand what they are going through. With our busy lives, it’s sometimes hard to truly listen to someone. To be an active listener requires you to focus all of your attention and energy on that one task; however, it is well worth it. A point to remember during this process is to leave judgment out of the equation. True friends don’t judge; they let their friends know that they support them. Your friend might just need to share the problem in order to come to her own conclusions.

 

Be there for your friend in the good times and the bad. Let’s be honest here. Sometimes, it’s easier for us to be there for our friends when they’re down than it is when everything is going stellar for them. You know why? It’s a little thing called jealousy. It grabs a hold of you and it’s hard to shake. At times it’s downright embarrassing to us but at some point, it happens to everyone. Here’s a tip: acknowledge your feelings and work through them. It is normal to feel envy when your life is having a downturn and your friend’s life is soaring. Accept your feelings and move on. Eventually, the tables will be turned and you will appreciate the support.

 

I believe we all can agree that our friendships are very, very important to us. I encourage you to take an honest look at YOU and your friendships and make the changes needed to be an exceptional friend.

Living in the NOW!

This week, I had the exact same conversation with two different women who both had just returned from their summer vacations. I asked each one if they were rested and ready to get back to work and they gave me the very same answer, “I wish I had enjoyed my vacation more without feeling stressed and thinking too much about things.” I don’t know about your motive to go on vacation but mine is to enjoy myself and have fun. I want to be fully present in the moment of NOW!

 

Have you ever watched a group of children playing outside? They totally get the whole living in the moment concept! When I went for a walk last night, I became entranced watching these two little girls playing in the front of their house.  The one girl was wearing her pink shirt with matching flowered shorts and hot pink cowboy boots.  The other one had a head full of curls and a brightly colored dress on with neon Converse athletic shoes.  They ran and climbed with abandon, laughing and giggling as they played. Each was fully present, never planning what came next in their adventure together.

 

If only we could channel some of their mindfulness— their ability to be fully present and live each moment as it unfolds.  Their innate skill to enjoy so completely without giving thought to time or commitments. I believe each one of us can retrain our brains to live fully present in today.  Here are a few tips to help you live life in the moment.

 

Take part in an activity that reminds you of your childhood. You know, the activity that you feel is not appropriate for mature, responsible adults! A couple of years ago, I went on a trip to Florida to visit my sister.  The two of us spent the days lying out by the pool reading our books. Built into the middle of the pool was an extensive slide system that twisted and turned and ended up on a completely different side. I watched as all the kids took turns enjoying the ride, screaming the whole way.  There was no one over the age of 12 that attempted the slide.  Finally, I insisted to my sister that she go with me.  “I just washed my hair— you go if you want to go”.  After much pleading and begging, I pulled her from the chair and pushed her into the water.  To say she was irritated with me is an understatement.  Angry, she went down the slide with me, screaming the whole way.  She splashed in the water and said, “let’s go again”.  The whole time, she acted like she was doing me a favor but I knew better. She was having a blast and completely in the moment.

 

Make an effort to not be regretting the past, or worrying about the future-just live NOW. So many of us waste time ruminating about what has already transpired in life.  What a waste of time! You can’t change the past. Learn from it and move on. On the other hand, worrying about what could happen is a complete waste of your energy.  The most important piece to remember is this; while you’re worrying, regretting and fretting, you’re missing the opportunity to live completely now.  You’re missing out on what’s happening around you in the present and losing an opportunity to thoroughly enjoy your time today. The key to controlling this bad habit is to catch you while it is happening.  Call yourself out on this behavior and say out loud, “I choose to live my life NOW”.  It might not work the first or second time you try it, but slowly you will see a shift.  You will take notice of how much time you devote to this destructive behavior.

 

I don’t know about you, but I want to be the little girl with the flowered shorts and the hot pink cowboy boots. I want to enjoy life and find joy in every moment.  So if you see me wasting precious time worrying or fretting, please call me out on this. Let’s all live in the NOW.

 

 

Addressing Doubts

It happened last night. I had that dream again. You know, the one that signals that there’s something going on in my life I need to address. It’s the dream that keeps reoccurring again and again. Maybe the characters and settings are different from the last time, but the basic premise is the same.

 

I’m unsure of my age, but I’m definitely back in high school. I sense the familiar smell of thousands of adolescents crammed into a building. I visually see the same old hallways and the stairs that take me down to the first floor. Even my best high school friend, Sally, is there with me. We’re standing at her locker and chatting with a group of girls. Sally offers to put my books in her locker so we can leave for a class program in the auditorium.

 

Somehow, I become separated from Sally and I have no idea how to get to the program in the auditorium. I walk quickly through the halls, frantically searching for the room. I run up and down the stairs looking for my friends and for the place I am supposed to be. I’m required to attend the program and I certainly don’t want to be separated from everyone else! Ready to give up, I decide I should just retrieve my books and go home. However, I can’t get my books because they are locked in Sally’s locker. I stare at her locker feeling stressed and out of control. What I need is right before my eyes, but I just can’t get to it.

 

Even when you don’t think things are on your mind, your brain is always busy. At night while you sleep, your subconscious is attempting to work out all the issues and minutiae from the day’s activities. It’s trying to make sense of the emotional stress and unresolved feelings. Don’t underestimate what you can learn from your dreams. Take them at face value and look for themes and patterns.

 

No, it doesn’t mean I want to be in high school. What it does mean is that high school was a stressful time for me. I still remember those feelings I had during those years. The reoccurring theme in the dream is not being able to find the room on time. I’ve lived this dream many times over with only the setting changing: occasionally high school, sometimes college, and often an early job. As for the piece of the story where I’m so close to my books but can’t retrieve them? That’s where I see my present hopes and dreams becoming clearer, but I still can’t touch them.

 

You know the part of your life journey where you finally make the decision to move on a new change, job, or project? The beginning is so exciting and inspirational because you have finally decided to move forward. You no longer have inertia and you are energized to be moving toward a goal. The middle of your journey is a different story. That’s the time where you feel the anxiety and stress. That is when those thoughts start to creep into your consciousness and you begin to doubt yourself. Just maybe you are not capable of everything you THINK you are capable of in life. One bad thing happens and you wonder if you should take it as evidence that the whole thing is just not going to work. You were wrong and maybe a little crazy too.

 

My dream is a reflection of all the negative thoughts that I try to keep at bay during this journey. It’s all the things I try to stuff down, yet they’re simmering right beneath the surface. That dream is my vulnerability showing.

 

We all have our doubts and our questions as to whether we can accomplish what we have set out to accomplish. That middle part of the journey is definitely the hardest part. It’s OK to acknowledge your doubts during this time, but keep moving forward. Just put one foot in front of each other and keep focusing on the goal.

Building Confidence

 

I was chatting with a woman at a networking event a couple months ago. She confided in me that it was the first time she had attended one of these types of events. It was apparent that she was not in her comfort zone and although I was quite preoccupied with greeting other people, I tried to keep an eye on her. Every so often, I made a point to check in with her and engage her in conversation.

 

A week ago, I ran into her again. This time, I had the ability to spend some quality time with her and really have a true conversation. As we got to know each other better, she confessed that this networking event was going a lot better than the first one. Because I had watched her out of the corner of my eye at the previous event, I knew exactly what she meant. And then she said, “I have been watching you. You are so confident talking to people. It’s just so easy for you. I’m just nothing like that and this is really hard for me.”

 

I shared with her that a person is rarely born with networking skills. Like everything else in life, you perfect the skill with practice. If you haven’t had many experiences walking alone into a party or event, it can be overwhelming and even daunting. If you’ve spent the last 20 minutes in the car on the way to the event convincing yourself how you don’t want to go, it will be that much harder. In lieu of this, let me offer a few tips to make socializing a bit easier.

 

Turn off your brain and just take action. When you walk into a packed room, you can easily be overwhelmed by the experience. The key is to take action and move without thinking about it too much. Don’t analyze the experience or the individuals present. Just force your body to move, walk up to someone and introduce yourself. Whatever you do, don’t grab a chair and sit down. I know that feels safe, but it immediately will put you at a disadvantage. It will also give you the opportunity to overthink what is going on and feel worse about the situation.

 

Realize that the best networkers are great listeners. If you are good at listening, you have already made it to first base in networking. You would be surprised how people truly enjoy talking about their selves. My suggestion is that you have a list in your head of the questions you might ask. For example, where do they work, have they been to this event before, etc. Also, when you become a little more comfortable, you might point out something about the person that you admire. For example, maybe they are wearing a beautiful scarf or great looking earrings. Conversation often flows from there. You can ask deeper questions with the answers you receive.

 

Greet everyone with a smile. We receive the bulk of our message from nonverbal communication. Therefore, your smile, your body, your hand gestures, relays the majority of the message to your receiver. Remember to approach people with a nonverbal message that communicates, “I am very interested in meeting you and want to be here today.” Your message shouldn’t say, “I am dreading every single minute of this and can’t wait to get out and I am absolutely not interested in learning anything about you.” Don’t laugh; I remember meeting a woman that conveyed this very message to me.

 

I didn’t take it personally because she treated every person at the lunch the exact same way.

 

Treat everyone that you meet in life with the same level of interest. I just discussed this with a new friend I met networking. Nothing burns us more than when we meet someone who’s warmth and friendliness is in direct relation to whether we can further their career. Apparently, it’s all about what’s in it for them. Be friendly and kind with everyone. Period.

 

If the suggestions here seem too difficult, you might have to further develop your acting skills. Eventually, with enough practice, this whole thing called networking will become more natural.

An Intense, Inspirational Experience

As I mentioned last week, I recently returned from a whirlwind trip to Israel and Jordan. It was an exhausting but life-changing experience. One of the most incredible, intense experiences I had during my visit was seeing Yad Vashem, the Jerusalem Holocaust Memorial. After leaving the museum, it was difficult for me to even articulate the emotional effect it had on me. Seeing the pictures and stories of the millions of people that had perished affected me in a way that I didn’t anticipate.

 

As time passed and I was able to make sense of the experience, I became interested in better understanding what had motivated the heroes that attempted to aid and assist the Jews. These brave, courageous women and men risked their lives and their family’s lives to do the right thing. They refused to believe the Nazi propaganda and unlike the majority of the population, they refused to turn their back on innocent victims that were treated unjustly. If they were caught aiding the Jews, chances are, they and their families were killed instantly.

 

One such hero is a Polish Catholic Social Worker named Irena Sendler. She served in the Polish Underground, the Zegota resistance organization in German-occupied Warsaw. Irena was responsible for checking on the status of the Typhus outbreak inside the Warsaw ghetto, where 500,000 Jews resided. The Nazi’s were terrified that the disease would spread outside the ghetto walls. Irena smuggled food, medicine and clothing into the ghetto for the families.

 

Irena was able to secretly remove 2,500 children from the ghetto. Many were disguised as packages. She provided false identity documents for them and hid their real identities in jars, which she buried in her friends backyard. Once they were safely out, she placed them in homes with Polish families, nuns and priests. These courageous volunteers risked their lives in order to welcome these children into their homes. At the end of the war, the children would be returned to their families.

 

Eventually, the Nazi’s discovered Irena’s actions and captured her. She refused to divulge any information even though she was severely tortured. While imprisoned and waiting for execution, she was rescued by the underground resistance and spent the remainder of the wartime in hiding. Very few children were ever reunited with their parents since almost all of the individuals in the ghetto perished.

 

Irena was one girlfriend that definitely had her inner sass. She was courageous, strong and clear on her convictions. She knew what was important to her in life and she was willing to risk all to be true to her beliefs. She refused to sit by and watch innocent people be treated unfairly.

 

So what about you? What would you do in such a dire situation? Would you have the courage to stand up for what you believe in or would you keep the “status quo” to stay safe? Are you a follower or a leader? What is your legacy to the world? It doesn’t have to be quite as dramatic as Irena’s, but what will people remember about you? Do you live your life in fear or do you push yourself outside your comfort zone?

 

It is my hope that you will take a lesson from Irena— let go of fear and live your life to the fullest. Be true to yourself and go after what’s important in life. Irena refused to back down to the “no’s”— she believed in possibilities even in the face of such doom. We all could learn a thing or two from this courageous woman.

 

For more information about Irena, go to www.irenasendler.org

Instinctive Behavior

I just returned from a two-week trip to Israel and Jordan.  Each day was jam packed with history, culture and new experiences.  As I think back to what moments were the most inspiring and life changing, there is one incident that I just can’t shake.

 

My husband’s Aunt in Tel Aviv had suggested that we meet her at a restaurant for dinner. She had mentioned that it was located in the old town of Jaffa, which is full of history, shopping, great restaurants and bars.  We decided we would walk around for a few hours and do some shopping before joining her for dinner since the area appeared to be a trendy, fun part of town.

 

Thirty minutes before our agreed dinnertime, we began our walk to the restaurant.  Quickly, I noticed that we were leaving the “happening area” and walking away from the city.  I asked my husband, “are you sure we’re walking in the right direction?”  He assured me that we were most definitely following the route to the restaurant.

 

We walked down the street for what seemed like forever, searching for the restaurants address. It was slowly dawning on us that we were going to be late.  Looking around, I sensed that the neighborhoods were definitely changing. My hair was up on the back of my neck. “Are you sure this is an okay neighborhood to be walking through?” Again, he assured me that it was. Secretly, I wondered why this restaurant was located in such a seedy area of the city.  I was feeling extremely uncomfortable, but I chalked it up to being overly dramatic and didn’t say another word.

 

Now 15 minutes late, we were beginning to get anxious. We knew his Aunt would be worried as to why we weren’t there yet.  My husband spied a group of police cars in a parking lot and decided to ask one of the policemen if they could help us. He interrupted them and asked if they knew of the restaurant, but they were very little help.  Suddenly, we did a 180-degree turn and realized that the restaurant was right in front of our eyes. My jaw dropped when it came into view. My husband and I just stared at each other and slowly (very slowly) walked up to the door of the restaurant.

 

The entire time we ate our dinner, I felt that same feeling tugging at me again.  You know, the one that tells you that something is very wrong but you just can’t put your finger on it. Dinner could not be over soon enough for me!

 

We left the restaurant and called a taxi to our hotel.  Suddenly, his Aunt became agitated as she listened to the news. In the last two hours, there had just been a stabbing and shooting right next door to the restaurant! My husband and I looked at each other and remembered the large group of policemen we had asked for directions.  Apparently, they had better things to do then help two tourists find their way to their destination.

 

Which leads me to this thought: I knew all along that we were not safe. My instincts immediately told me that we were in danger.  Yet, I didn’t pay attention to my feelings. I doubted my own assessment and just ignored that gnawing feeling inside of me.

 

You can’t see, hear or touch your instincts.  Sometimes, you may question whether they really exist.  However, your success, health and happiness in life are dependent on you tapping into your instincts.  If you can make your life decisions by combining the tangible evidence presented to you, with your “gut sense”, you will be unstoppable.

 

After that incident, I am making a new commitment to trust my gut!

 

Making Your Dreams a Reality

 

 

I recently read an article about a nurse that worked with terminally ill patients. She had become aware of the many regrets her patients spoke of as they entered their last phase of their life. One of the most popular regrets that she heard over and over was the following:

 

“I wish I had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life that others expected of me.”

 

Many of her patients felt that they had wasted years of their life trying to please others; not seeking what was in their heart. Does that resonate with you? If you were to find out today that you were in the last phase of your life, would you grapple with any regrets? So, what has been holding you back from living your dream?

 

I work with many clients that are struggling with moving forward. Often, there is a part of them that desperately wants to change their life, but they can’t figure out how to go about this shift. But there is more to it than that.

 

Many people will go to great lengths to avoid failure. I certainly get this; I don’t like to fail either. However, I hate to be stuck even more than failing. If given the choice of failing or being stuck, I take failing. You know why? Because I believe that I’ll just dust myself off and try again. And if that doesn’t work, I’ll just dust myself off…and try again. Rinse, lather, repeat. This is the way YOU need to think about life. The bottom line is this: failing is not a great feeling, but it’s so much better than NOT going after your dream. At least you’re moving in SOME direction. In the end, you won’t regret not being courageous enough to go after your dream.

 

What is your dream? Is it to quit your boring desk job and do something artistic? Did you always want to go back to school? Do you feel crazy for even entertaining the thought? You need to face this fear and get on with it.

 

People hold on to values and expectations from their childhood. Maybe you grew up in a house where you learned that success was becoming an accountant and having a steady job with a decent income. You absorbed this because you wanted to please your family and you counted on them to give you sound advice. So you went to school and got good grades, graduated and received a plum job. You worked hard and moved up in the company. But at some point, you begin to feel angry and unhappy. Each day gets a little more difficult but you keep trudging forward because it’s the right thing to do. Hopefully at some point, you can face the feelings you’re experiencing, let go of the guilt and realize that only you can change your life. You can build a life that matches YOUR expectations.

 

You get stuck in the daily grind and time goes by. How does that happen? One minute you’re wiping the nose of your 3-year-old son, and the next, you’re attending his graduation. Time seems to fly as you get older. You might put off your dreams for a number of reasons. Maybe you feel that your kids are too young and need too much attention for you to follow your dreams. You might feel that you just can’t afford it— you have so many bills to pay and focusing on YOUR dreams is too indulgent. Trust me, it will always be something while time keeps flying by. There will never be the perfect time to go after what you want— you just have to make right now the right time.

 

I hope you take the next few minutes to think about your dreams and how you need to make a commitment today. Make a commitment to live true to you and go after your best life!

4 Bad Career Moves

 

Do you know women that make success at work look easy? Do you ever wonder why some girlfriends soar in their careers while others falter? I’m sure that at some point in your life, you have asked yourself these questions. If you are truly serious about succeeding in your career, then it might behoove you to take a step back and give this some thought.

 

Over the years, I’ve observed a number of behavioral patterns that stand in the way of women accomplishing their goals in the workplace. Here are just a few for you to ponder:

 

Staying in a position at work way beyond its expiration date
Are you good at recognizing when it’s time to move on? Have you ever stayed at a job way too long— hoping things will get better? If you’re known for your persistence and determination, this is one situation where your admirable qualities can get you into trouble. You see, there’s a time to fold your cards and just move on. If you don’t, resentment sets in and your attitude inhibits your job abilities. Tap into your instincts to make the best decision because staying in a job beyond its expiration date is a bad career move.

 

Bringing your personal problems to work with you
In the many hours you spend at work, I’m sure there’s at least one day in your memory where you let your personal problems get in the way of your effectiveness at work. Let’s face it, at some point it happens to everyone. However, if you make a habit of bringing your own emotional baggage into the workplace on a regular basis, you run the risk of sabotaging your career. Earning a reputation as emotional or high strung is a death sentence for your career. Make it a habit to practice strong boundaries in the workplace— work hard to keep the emotions out of the equation.

 

Refusing to acknowledge the workplace politics
When I was working in career development in the school system, I spent time teaching high school seniors how to interview. Often, a few of them would express to me how they thought it was beneath them to “try to say the right things just to get the job”. They felt that this was disingenuous and beneath them. I would explain to them that regardless of how they felt, this was how the real world worked. Some women never grow out of this type of thinking. You might believe that just doing your job well is enough to receive promotions. However, if you really want to move up, you need to acutely observe and understand the political culture at work. I am not suggesting that you need to sell your soul, but you certainly need to be able to play in the game.

 

Digging in your heels and refusing to change
In today’s world, organizations are rapidly changing. You might be expected at work to learn a new system and within a year, that process is obsolete. Because of this, companies are in dire need of employees that are flexible and comfortable with change. Be honest— do you struggle with accepting change? If so, this can hinder your ability to be successful in your career, whether you are an entrepreneur or an employee. So wake up and accept the facts— change is synonymous with success.

 

See a glimmer of yourself in any of these? Then maybe it’s time to make the needed changes so you can achieve your dreams

Remembering Mom

Around Mother’s Day, my thoughts are always with my own mother who I lost many years ago.  Although she isn’t around to see her grandsons grow up, her influence has definitely been felt throughout the years.

 

I was one of those lucky few that had a mother that passed down an excellent blueprint for being a mom.  She wasn’t perfect by any stretch of the imagination. Neither am I. However, she definitely got the most important things very, very right.  So, in memory of my mom, let me share why my mother definitely had her inner sass.

 

She was always nonjudgmental when it came to my life decisions. Which means, she listened to me and let me make up my own mind.  She didn’t tell me what decision I should make or what I should think.  She just listened and helped me come to my own decisions.  Even though I knew what she would want my life to look like, I knew she accepted me for who I was at my core. Looking back, I don’t know how she kept quiet in certain situations! But she did, and her unconditional acceptance truly helped me become a strong woman and have my own voice.

 

She repeatedly told me that I deserved the best in life. Guess what happened? I grew up to think that I deserved the best in every aspect of my life.  I’m not talking about entitlement here! I was always willing to work hard to get what I wanted in life. I just felt that I never had to settle for anything and I was certainly never desperate. Not with men, jobs, friendships etc.

 

She was a kind, loving person that showed how she felt about you.  This used to embarrass me when I was younger. Why did she always have to get in personal conversations with the bagger at the grocery store? Why did she have to grab the hand of whomever she was talking to?  It used to drive me crazy until I was older and realized how people really felt about my mom. They loved her. She was a warm, caring person and people felt her warmth when in her presence.  Their walls came down when she was around. Funny thing is that I often find myself saying and doing the exact same things.

 

She taught me how to handle conflict in a healthy manner.  My mom and I had horrendous fights that often ended in tears and with doors banging (that was me).  However, no matter what we fought about or how bad it got, we always talked it out and got to the bottom of the situation.  We always ended the fight hugging and saying that we were both sorry.  Fights between my mom and dad played out the exact same way.  What I learned was this: you can have bad conflicts where you express how you feel but still work things out at the end. Because of this, I always felt confident in conflict situations and never shied away from uncomfortable truths.

 

She treated every person with the same amount of respect.  It didn’t matter if you were a garbage collector or you ran a large corporation.  She really didn’t care how much money you had in the bank.  What she wanted to know was this— were you a kind, caring person that treated others well?  I learned at a very young age not to be impressed by what people possessed, but by how they live their life.

 

So thanks Mom, for giving me such a wonderful example of a woman that has her inner sass. Although you are no longer physically here with me, I sense your presence daily with everything that I achieve in my life.