Values

 

 

 

image personal values

 

The other day, I was thinking about my career and the different positions that I’ve held throughout the years. There have been times that I’ve been happy and there have been times in my career that I’ve been miserable— maybe you’ve felt this way too. I remember a friend telling me that she hoped I’d finally figure out what and where I wanted to be in life. At one point, I considered that maybe I was born with some sort of defect that prevented me from figuring out what direction to take in life propecia pills 1 mg.

 

Now that I’m older and wiser, I better understand all the career decisions I made and why. I can comprehend why I was so unhappy in certain environments and why others made me feel energized. I now know that it all came down to being true to the values that I hold in my life. If I honored those things that were truly important to me and made certain that I received them at work, then I would find the happiness that I was searching for so desperately.

 

I highly value being in an environment where I can constantly be learning. Being thrown into a new environment and figuring out how to make it work is my idea of a good time. For others, it’s a death sentence. As soon as a position becomes repetitive, I’m in trouble. I’m constantly looking for that next step, next opportunity, that next big thing! Growing and expanding my knowledge base is an integral piece of what I value in a job. If I don’t have this kind of experience, I’m not going to be satisfied. If I can’t see where I grow next, I’ll struggle to be happy.

 

I highly value the ability to stretch my wings in my job.

If I feel that the position is too structured, I wither away. That isn’t to say that I can’t follow authority. However, if the authority attempts to control or regulate me too much, it will not be a work environment that fuels success for me. I need to be able to think for myself and create my workspace the way I deem fit. I’ve had a few bosses that sensed this and gave me the space I needed to be successful. I’ve also had ones that held on tighter. The latter didn’t end well. I recognize that I’m a free thinker and do best when given the freedom to explore.

 

Nothing is more important to me than working in an environment where people have integrity and honesty.

I’m a straight shooter and get extremely frustrated with individuals that dance around an issue or outright lie and don’t take responsibility. Confrontation is not a horrible thing when handled in a professional and appropriate manner. I need to have respect from the people that I work with and if I don’t see that, I find it difficult to stay the course.

 

I’ve shared my top three values because I hope it sparks your own thinking on the topic. What do you value in your professional career? Like I did above, try to identify your top three values. Think back to some of your triggers at work, some of the things that frustrated you—you’ll begin to see what you find important. Is it making sure you have time for family or is it making sure that the position is risk-free and stable? Is it your ability to financially support your family or is it the need to “make a difference” in people’s lives? Do some soul searching and tease out what’s important to you above all else.

 

Once you have this information, you’ll be armed to find where you belong.

 

Bring Back the Excitement

images cat picture

 

Our family took Miles to the groomer at the pet store the other night. While the she struggled with a squirmy pug, we decided that we should walk around and shop. We picked up cat food for Biscuit and Joey and proceeded to check out the cat toys. My son wanted to buy catnip but I reminded him that we have the only cats on the planet that don’t have any interest in this substance. In the past, they’ve just sniffed it and walked away, disinterested.

 

And then we spotted it. It was a long stick with some feathers, bright shiny tinsel and a bell on the end. Although it had been a long time since I had seen our older cats play, I decided to take a risk and make the purchase. I was curious as to whether they would show any interest in this toy.

 

When I got home, I brought out the cat toy and called the boys. They came running in and immediately had interest in the new addition to their house. Before long, they were jumping, standing on two feet, and running around the room. I hadn’t seen them this excited in a long, long time.

 

In fact, the toy caused so much excitement in the house that I eventually had to put it away in a drawer for the night. They just wouldn’t stop attacking the toy, which in turn, revved up the dog beyond our tolerable limit.

 

The next day, I remembered that the toy was in the drawer, so I took it out to play. The cats came running and a replay of the night before ensued. In fact, they knew the sound of the toy and were present within seconds of me touching it. It kept their interest much longer than my interest in continuing the playtime. This time, however, I left the toy on the ground and walked out of the room.

 

The day after that, I spotted the toy and picked it up. I called the cats to play, but it took quite some time for them to arrive. I tried to engage them in play but it was a lethargic game, at best. Apparently, the toy was yesterday’s news.

 

By now, I bet you’re wondering why I’m sharing this story with you. What does a cat toy have anything to do with life? Well, you know how excited you are when you start something new? You know that feeling you have when you start a new job, create your own business, or begin a new relationship? It’s all novel, exciting and fresh. Life is easy because you’re full of energy and stoked about your new venture. After a while, however, reality sets in. The newness wears off and you fall into your routine.

 

This is the pivotal moment that separates the resilient from the less resilient; possessing the ability to hang in there and not give up or move on to something new and easier. This is a crucial step in finding your desired success. It’s also when you have the opportunity to truly gain and learn the most.

 

Making it through this period, past the initial shininess, enables you to build confidence for future endeavors in your life.

 

Follow the Leader

images follow leaderI was driving down a street the other day when I came across a large group of geese.  They were all congregating on the side of the road, grazing in the grass. Without warning, one of the geese pulled away from the crowd and began to walk toward the road.  Like clockwork, each one systematically fell in line and followed the leader.  The group slowly made their way across the street, disregarding any possible risk or danger.  They intensely focused on their only job— to follow the goose in front of them.

 

I’m unsure how the geese collectively decided on their fearless leader that day. To be honest, he certainly wasn’t making smart decisions in leadership. Now that I think about it, how did that goose in front decide to be the leader? What I do know is that geese that come from families tend to show dominance over ones that are single or alone.  Apparently, the leader was a family man.

 

Mr. Goose had ultimate power over the other geese that day.  They instinctively followed in his footsteps, never hesitating to take that next step right across the busy street.  This experience reminded me of people that I have come across in my own life.

 

I once worked for a boss that had this kind of hold on many of his employees. He was a leader all right, a very powerful one that was capable of getting people to follow along without much hesitation. It truly was quite remarkable. I found it astounding how people would follow without any contemplation. They agreed with everything, not because they feared any recourse, but because they were just so enamored with his power, charisma and leadership that they didn’t even think anymore.  They no longer had the ability to see the truth, much like the old tale of “The Emperors New Clothes”.

 

This can happen in many different areas of life.  It can happen in companies, in government, and even in your circle of friends and your family. An individual becomes such a strong leader that the people surrounding him or her no longer question anything said or done.  They just follow along and assume that if the leader thinks it’s a great idea, then it must be!

 

I was in a meeting the other day, when a young woman questioned something that I had said.  For a few seconds, I was a thrown by the fact that she was questioning me. However, when I gave it a couple more seconds of thought, I realized that she was right.  What she was saying made sense, and she did it in such an appropriate way that I was impressed.  Everyone in the group looked at me to see my reaction.  I congratulated her for calling me on this bit of information.

 

The question to ask yourself is the following— are you a leader or a follower?  Are you the goose out front leading the gaggle of geese or are you the goose last in line, falling in step mindlessly, without a thought of your own? Be true to you and follow your own values and ethics.

 

This is your path to success.

Follow the Leader

images follow leaderI was driving down a street the other day when I came across a large group of geese.  They were all congregating on the side of the road, grazing in the grass. Without warning, one of the geese pulled away from the crowd and began to walk toward the road.  Like clockwork, each one systematically fell in line and followed the leader.  The group slowly made their way across the street, disregarding any possible risk or danger.  They intensely focused on their only job— to follow the goose in front of them.

 

I’m unsure how the geese collectively decided on their fearless leader that day. To be honest, he certainly wasn’t making smart decisions in leadership. Now that I think about it, how did that goose in front decide to be the leader? What I do know is that geese that come from families tend to show dominance over ones that are single or alone.  Apparently, the leader was a family man.

 

Mr. Goose had ultimate power over the other geese that day.  They instinctively followed in his footsteps, never hesitating to take that next step right across the busy street.  This experience reminded me of people that I have come across in my own life.

 

I once worked for a boss that had this kind of hold on many of his employees. He was a leader all right, a very powerful one that was capable of getting people to follow along without much hesitation. It truly was quite remarkable. I found it astounding how people would follow without any contemplation. They agreed with everything, not because they feared any recourse, but because they were just so enamored with his power, charisma and leadership that they didn’t even think anymore.  They no longer had the ability to see the truth, much like the old tale of “The Emperors New Clothes”.

 

This can happen in many different areas of life.  It can happen in companies, in government, and even in your circle of friends and your family. An individual becomes such a strong leader that the people surrounding him or her no longer question anything said or done.  They just follow along and assume that if the leader thinks it’s a great idea, then it must be!

 

I was in a meeting the other day, when a young woman questioned something that I had said.  For a few seconds, I was a thrown by the fact that she was questioning me. However, when I gave it a couple more seconds of thought, I realized that she was right.  What she was saying made sense, and she did it in such an appropriate way that I was impressed.  Everyone in the group looked at me to see my reaction.  I congratulated her for calling me on this bit of information.

 

The question to ask yourself is the following— are you a leader or a follower?  Are you the goose out front leading the gaggle of geese or are you the goose last in line, falling in step mindlessly, without a thought of your own? Be true to you and follow your own values and ethics.

 

This is your path to success.

What’s Important

images life waterA friend recently connected me with a woman that was in town to film a documentary. The film team asked me if I was willing to be interviewed the very next day.  Since it fit into my calendar, I said yes and didn’t give it much more thought.

 

We had all made our introductions when I finally got around to inquiring of the documentary topic.  I just assumed that I had been singled out to discuss women and leadership. I was mentally prepared to discuss the challenges that women face today in the workplace. However, I was way off base. Ashley was a Child Psychologist at the University of Hawaii and taught a class on culture across lifespans.  As the interview started, she informed me that I didn’t have to answer any question if I felt uncomfortable.  I smiled and said that I was an open book and didn’t mind talking.

 

We talked for about an hour and she didn’t leave many stones unturned.  She was curious about the transitions in my life and how it led me to where I am today. We discussed careers and kids and my view on how to manage work/life balance.  She wanted to know about each of my children and how and why they were different. She was very curious about my 33-year marriage and what I believed was the secret to staying married such a long time.

 

Since this interview was truly about culture, we spent some time discussing my childhood and how I raised my own children.  Before I knew it, an hour had passed and our time was over. The event had truly been a wonderful experience.

 

As I walked out, I gave thought to why I had enjoyed myself so much.  I realized that it had given me the opportunity to take a good look at my life.  It enabled me to objectively talk about my children, my husband, and my career and make the realization that I had a lot to be grateful for in life. The pointed questions that she asked had encouraged me to talk about many things that don’t usually come up in conversation. It was a good feeling to reminisce.

 

The whole experience made me consider that we spend too many days focusing on what’s wrong in our life and not enough on what’s going right.  We can become obsessed with the people that disappoint us, or the things that we wish would be different. We lust for the things that we don’t possess or worry about things that, chances are, won’t happen.  In our minds, we assume that if we had this different life, then everything would be better. Then, we would have the life that we always wanted.

 

The interview actually made me realize my contentment.  No— things aren’t perfect. My back still hurts and I still have this annoying sinus problem that won’t go away.  However, things could be much worse, so I work around the stuff that’s not perfect.  The point is that I’m very clear on what’s important in my life. I refuse to waste time on the things that truly don’t matter.

 

What’s Important

images life waterA friend recently connected me with a woman that was in town to film a documentary. The film team asked me if I was willing to be interviewed the very next day.  Since it fit into my calendar, I said yes and didn’t give it much more thought.

 

We had all made our introductions when I finally got around to inquiring of the documentary topic.  I just assumed that I had been singled out to discuss women and leadership. I was mentally prepared to discuss the challenges that women face today in the workplace. However, I was way off base. Ashley was a Child Psychologist at the University of Hawaii and taught a class on culture across lifespans.  As the interview started, she informed me that I didn’t have to answer any question if I felt uncomfortable.  I smiled and said that I was an open book and didn’t mind talking.

 

We talked for about an hour and she didn’t leave many stones unturned.  She was curious about the transitions in my life and how it led me to where I am today. We discussed careers and kids and my view on how to manage work/life balance.  She wanted to know about each of my children and how and why they were different. She was very curious about my 33-year marriage and what I believed was the secret to staying married such a long time.

 

Since this interview was truly about culture, we spent some time discussing my childhood and how I raised my own children.  Before I knew it, an hour had passed and our time was over. The event had truly been a wonderful experience.

 

As I walked out, I gave thought to why I had enjoyed myself so much.  I realized that it had given me the opportunity to take a good look at my life.  It enabled me to objectively talk about my children, my husband, and my career and make the realization that I had a lot to be grateful for in life. The pointed questions that she asked had encouraged me to talk about many things that don’t usually come up in conversation. It was a good feeling to reminisce.

 

The whole experience made me consider that we spend too many days focusing on what’s wrong in our life and not enough on what’s going right.  We can become obsessed with the people that disappoint us, or the things that we wish would be different. We lust for the things that we don’t possess or worry about things that, chances are, won’t happen.  In our minds, we assume that if we had this different life, then everything would be better. Then, we would have the life that we always wanted.

 

The interview actually made me realize my contentment.  No— things aren’t perfect. My back still hurts and I still have this annoying sinus problem that won’t go away.  However, things could be much worse, so I work around the stuff that’s not perfect.  The point is that I’m very clear on what’s important in my life. I refuse to waste time on the things that truly don’t matter.

 

Mistakes

images erasing mistake

 

“A person who makes few mistakes makes little progress” –Bryant McGill

 

When I was in grade school, the teachers would keep a poster board with each child’s name and the results of the weekly spelling test.  If you received 100% on the test, you were gifted with a gold star.  I remember studying the poster board with intensity to make sure that I had gold stars for every week of the year. Did you really do poorly if you received a 95% on the test?  Of course not, it was graded as an A.

But still, it certainly wasn’t gold star material.  The reality was that the 95% didn’t display perfection— you had made a mistake.

 

The need for perfection is ingrained in each one of you during your formative years. You learn at a very young age that the goal is to not make any errors. Completing each task perfectly will be rewarded, while making mistakes will not. If you don’t believe me, just look at the attention a young adult receives for acing their College ACT exam. I admit, it is quite a feat; however, if the same young adult makes a few mistakes on the exam, they don’t receive near the same fanfare for such an extraordinary accomplishment.

 

I tend to think that making mistakes can be a healthy and much needed experience in life.

 

“Anyone who has never made a mistake has never tried anything new” –Albert Einstein

 

Being fearful of making mistakes in life can hold you back from trying new experiences.

I learned how to ski when I was 40 years old. I would rate my skiing skills as intermediate.  I’m not a phenomenal skier but I can hold my own and I don’t embarrass myself too much. I’ve been told that I look pretty good coming down the mountain— that’s enough for me.  However, I certainly do my fair share of falling. In fact, the first time I fall during each ski trip is always a relief. I think to myself, “glad I got that out of the way”. Frankly, I think that my willingness to make a mistake (and take my share of falls) is the reason that I can enjoy the sport. I might not be the best, but I still can have a great time.

 

Making mistakes can be an opportunity for growth. 

Life is about taking risks and sometimes failing at your endeavors.  Although none of us enjoy the experience of “messing up”, it often teaches you much more than one where you succeed. While you’re going through the process, it can seem like it’s the end of the world. However, as crazy as it sounds, you need those opportunities in life to make a mistake and then be forced to make things right.  As painful as the experience can be, they help you grow and develop into your absolute best self.

 

We all make mistakes now and then but it’s important to remember:

Making a mistake can lead you to an even better place in life.

Empathy

images empathyWhile doing some research for an upcoming workshop, I suddenly remembered a work incident from many years ago. Picture this: I’m sitting at a meeting with my managers and discussing some drastic changes that were about to majorly impact each one of them.  A few of the changes would be positive but the majority of them would be negative. Frankly, these changes were hard to swallow and I was facing an uphill battle in this room.

 

At the time, I was young and I was managing on pure instinct. I hadn’t read any books and I certainly didn’t have the experiences and knowledge about implementing change that I have today.  However, I did have one skill that served me well in this situation— empathy.

 

I listened patiently to their whining and complaining.  Did I agree with their complaints? Sometimes. However, I knew that wasn’t the point.  I sensed that they needed to voice their feelings, fears and doubts before they could move on.  I had a strategy to get them on board and I knew that forcing them to move forward without listening to their concerns would never work.

 

How did I know? Because I asked myself— would it work with me?  How would I feel? What would I need to move on from that place and accept the changes?

 

First, I would need someone to validate my concerns and show understanding.

 

In business, we don’t all see eye to eye on developing soft skills, such as empathy. The concept just seems way too abstract to be taken seriously in the workplace. But the ability to relate to people, to understand and sense how they’re feeling, is pivotal to every leader’s influence. The ability to put yourself in other’s shoes and imagine what they’re thinking and feeling is crucial to your success as a leader.

 

That doesn’t mean you need to agree with everything that’s being said because…you wont.  It does mean, however, that you need to be able to nonjudgmentally listen, with appropriate non-verbal communication that displays an acceptance of their feelings and needs. This is how respect and trust is earned, and believe me—

Influence will follow.

 

It doesn’t matter if you spend your days managing a team/company or trying to close deals for your growing business. Empathy, a necessary ingredient to having resilience, is key to you paving your way to your goals.

 

Your workdays are busy and you have a lot to accomplish.  Sometimes, you can become too self-focused and stuck inside your own head, busy considering the many things that YOU need to complete. You can spend a lot of time looking inward and focusing on your own goals instead of looking outward. However, having empathy enables you, a leader, to sense the temperature of your surroundings— a necessary skill in your arsenal. Your ability to put aside your own goals for a few minutes, reach out with empathy and listen to what others need to succeed in their jobs can ultimately decide your path in life.

 

 

Mental Filters

images brain pictureI recently gave a motivational presentation to a large organization. The energy in the room was strong and I was quite confident when I finished the speaking engagement.  Feeling a strong adrenalin rush, I quickly found my seat and encountered a number of individuals who congratulated me on a job well done.

 

Later, while I was networking with different people, a man approached me to talk.  He shared with me that my presentation would have been much better if I had gone into more detail on a specific topic. I handled the interaction diplomatically and went to sit down.

 

I was devastated.

 

I became obsessed with the comment the man had shared.  Over and over, my mind swirled with this bit of negative information. If only I had realized that I needed to go into more detail! Then, the presentation would have been great.  How could I have not known that the key to success was to go into more depth!?  I believed that my speech was sub par because I neglected this one aspect. I bounced this perceived error around in my mind until the error had become mammoth sized.

 

Does this faulty thinking sound familiar at all?  I’m sure at one point in your life, you have also succumbed to this dysfunctional thought pattern.

 

This specific cognitive distortion that affects so many of us is called filtering. It happens when you focus on the most negative and upsetting features of a situation, filtering out the more positive aspects.  In my case, I had numerous individuals that shared positive feedback on my presentation.  I felt excited and energized when I stepped down from the stage. However, none of the positive praise seemed to matter. Apparently, all it took was one person’s negative opinion to change my perspective on the whole speaking engagement.

 

Looking back on this experience, I can definitely see the error of my ways. Due to my resilience training, I was able to readjust my thinking and look at the situation more realistically.  I studied the situation in a pragmatic manner and asked myself why I was discounting all the positive feedback.  The question was, why did I give this one man such power? This just didn’t seem reasonable.

 

Obviously, this experience didn’t stop me from taking part in future presentations.  I was able to realistically look at the facts and reason it out.  However, not everyone goes through this process and your filtered experience can be a great time waster—

Stopping you from moving forward in life.

 

Make sure the lens that you view the world through is not clouded with some faulty thinking.

 

 

 

What Truly Matters

image mountain molehillsMy husband and I recently drove up to Chicago for the 4th of July weekend. We took our bikes with us so we could go for rides on trails throughout the city.

 

We had also mapped out where we were going to eat for all three dinners.  The first night would be at one of our favorite seafood houses that we frequent every year. My husband had received a coupon that gave us $25.00 off, which made the restaurant even more appealing. As we began to order, my husband realized that he had forgotten the coupon back in Cincinnati.

 

It seemed ridiculous to not take advantage of this opportunity, so we brainstormed on how to solve the problem.  Finally, he remembered that his ipad was back at the hotel and he could access the coupon from there.  We decided that he would walk back to the hotel, which was only a few minutes away.

 

Left alone with my glass of wine, I retrieved my phone and became engrossed in email and the internet for a while. With the dining tables situated so close together and nothing of extreme importance to distract me, it was difficult not to overhear the very loud conversation next to me. A couple had ordered drinks from the bar and was not happy with them.

 

After a closer listen, I realized that they were unhappy because the drinks were served in glassware that was very different from what they had anticipated.  The taste of the drink was fine, yet they felt that their specialty margarita drink should come in the conventional glass used in other restaurants. Finally, they called the manager over to complain.

 

The manager politely told them that the glass in which they had received their drink was their traditional glass for that restaurant. They didn’t even have any other glasses to use for a drink.  He went on to explain that the glasses utilized for all drinks fit the style and era of the restaurant. He offered to supply them with a different drink that might make them happy but they declined and continued to dispute the glass dilemma.

 

Remember, they had no issue with the taste of the drink.  They were unhappy with the glass.  They were stuck on this minor issue for a long, long time.

 

From my perspective, they took a perfectly wonderful dinner and found a way to put a damper on it.  In the grand scheme of things, the glass that your drink is served in is probably not a big deal.  However, these two were able to get a lot of mileage out of this one snag in their evening.  This led me to ponder how they would be able to handle an elephant-sized problem in their life.

 

Resiliency, happiness and health always come down to a few key things: being able to adapt and roll with the punches and having a keen sense of when it’s worthwhile to invest your energy in a situation or just let it go. This was one of those times where it was a complete waste of their energy and emotion.

 

Are you guilty of this same kind of behavior every now and then?  If so, you might want to contemplate whether some changes are in order.

 

Every day, each moment that we are given in life is a gift.  It’s time that we treat it as such.