Tag: spirituality

If you go to a bookstore, chances are, you can get lost in the self-help section. It can be overwhelming simply perusing through the many relationship books. Somehow each book promises to share the secrets to the perfect life, snagging the perfect man, and ultimately having the perfect relationship. Well, let’s get something out in the open right now− there is no perfect life, no perfect relationship and definitely no perfect man. (Hopefully you already knew that.) There are, however, a couple constants that exist in every healthy, happy relationship:

• Both partners in the relationship respect and trust each other. In other words, you like what you see in this man. He has the qualities that you respect in your friends and family, and the ones that you aspire to possess for yourself. Most of the time (they all have their moments), you are proud of him and proud to be with him. He feels the exact same way about you.

• Both partners allow each other to be individuals first, a couple second. Your man and you have your own interests and identity. You are not dependent on him for your identity and vice versa. You are two emotionally healthy individuals that come together to be a great couple. He brings out the best in you and you bring out the best in him. He pushes you to be your best and accomplish your goals in life and you do the same for him.

• This is your best friend and the one you want to share the best of life with, and the one you run to when things go bad. This is how you develop intimacy- sharing the good, the scary, and the bad. He knows the real you and you know him inside and out. This is called being your “authentic self’ with each other. You can count on each other to be there- no matter the situation.

Now, here girlfriends, is the real important one

• You are both very aware when you are not getting your needs met in the relationship. You are able to articulate what you need to be happy to your partner without attacking and game playing. This is a difficult one for a lot of women. Women often struggle being able to communicate their needs for a variety of reasons; feeling they don’t deserve better, fear of rejection or just not understanding self. Some women expect the man to “figure it out” and when he can’t, they are angry.

There are many many more ingredients to a happy and healthy relationship but these build a strong foundation. If these are in place, there is a very good chance that the relationship can grow and thrive!!

Things were going well in the Cincinnati Bike Ride until I hit mile 36. In fact, things were going better than well. In the week before the event, I was fearful that I would not have the stamina to make it through 45 miles, since the most I had ever ridden on my bike was 27. But here I was, only nine miles to go, feeling strong and full of energy. My biking friend, Barb, had just announced to the three of us, “We are so good!” I laughed and agreed with her. At that point, I realized that very little stood in the way of me accomplishing my goal of completing the ride. A deep groove in the pavement along the side of the road changed everything for me..

I don’t remember much about the incident other than the following: my bike aligned with the slim, deep groove on the road berm and I struggled to get back out. I was going at a fast pace, which made the maneuvering much more difficult. I remember trying to keep my balance, but losing my battle and hitting the pavement with the right side of my head and body. My head banged hard on the road and I struggled to pick it up. A policeman seemed to appear out of nowhere and insist that I had hit my head very hard and that I should not move. I also recall a Good Samaritan trying to get my bike unclipped from my shoe— the bike was still connected to me. I announced that I felt sick and had a headache convincing everyone that I had a concussion— everyone but me. I figured that I was sick to my stomach because my body was reacting to a crisis, and my head hurt because it just got banged on the pavement.

As they rushed me to University Hospital, I stared at the ceiling of the rescue squad in disbelief. Is this really happening? Why did I have to do this? Why me? Was it something I did that made this happen? I was so disappointed. As they examined me at the hospital, they told me how lucky I was that I had escaped with so few injuries. The doctors and nurses shared that it was because I was an athlete that I was able to sustain the fall so well. For a second, that made me feel good but that feeling didn’t last long. I was sad, angry and upset that this had to happen to me when all I wanted to do was finish the race.

By the next day, something changed for me. First of all, my body ached like an 85-year-old woman’s. The reality of what my body had sustained began to sink in. I had been struggling with the fact that things did not happen the way I had planned them, but I was slowly realizing how lucky I was. I was bruised and battered but my head was fine. I realized that if I hadn’t been wearing my helmet, I definitely wouldn’t have walked out of the emergency room.

My bike accident is like many experiences you have in your life. You make a plan, and you believe you know just how things will turn out. But the reality is that life doesn’t always turn out the way you expect it to turn out. Sometimes bad things happen when you least expect it, and you need to find a way to make peace with it, move on and try again. Whether it’s the ending of a relationship, a lost sale in business or a bike crash, you need to find the courage to begin a relationship anew, give your all to a new business deal, or, in my case, get back on your bike and go for an awesome ride!

I work with women that want to make a positive change in their lives. Early into our work, we will have a conversation about being in touch with their “authentic self”. They look at me, confused by this statement. They often ask, “How do I become in touch with my authentic self and what does that even mean?” Just for the record, living as your authentic self requires you to know who you truly are and living your life accordingly. In other words, it’s being faithful to the values, skills and gifts that were given to you and utilizing them on a daily basis.Continue reading