The list. So, maybe I wasn’t consciously aware of the list in my head, but it was definitely there. The truth was that I knew what I needed to be happy in a relationship— even at the age of 19. I could size up a guy in about 20 minutes and tell whether I wanted to spend any more time with him. My instincts told me whether the guy was “right for me”— Well, my instincts and the “list”.
Now, I bet you are wondering girlfriend, what was on my list? Remember, this list was non-negotiable— I had to have these to be happy. First and foremost, he had to be a truly good, kind guy. Someone that was genuine— I had radar that could detect insincerity and nastiness a mile away. Also, the important people in my life had to think he was as great as I thought he was. Next, he had to be ambitious and smart. That is, he had to be someone that was goal-oriented in his career and his personal life, and someone that wanted to grow as a person by having new experiences. If not, I knew that I would be terribly bored. Third, he had to be funny and entertaining. I didn’t care how nice and ambitious he was, if he wasn’t funny, this was a deal breaker! I grew up in a “fun” house and I appreciated good humor. I wanted someone that I could laugh with and who could play off my humor.
Now, you are going to think the next request on my list is shallow— he had to be giving and generous. I remember dating a guy during this time that used to pour over the restaurant bill and complain. It made me feel so uncomfortable that it was the end of our dates for me. I just envisioned him doing that whenever I went out shopping. Don’t get me wrong, I am not a big spender, it’s just that I figured I needed someone to balance my own frugal ways. Last, I wanted a guy that treated me like I was the most wonderful, fabulous woman in the world and appreciated me for who I truly was at my core. The bottom line is this: he would want to PLEASE me and make me happy in life!
There is a reason that I’m bringing this up today. Whenever I work with a woman and we begin to discuss relationships and men, this issue comes up. I invariably say, “I want you to make a list of what you want in a guy— including deal breakers”. This request often becomes a difficult task for her. I believe this is because many women have never given any thought to what THEY NEED to be happy with a man in their life. Many meet a man and begin the process of wrapping their life around them. This is the very reason that I suggest women who are fresh from a relationship take time to get to know themselves as individuals before jumping into another relationship. That way, they can get clear on who they are, what they need and what exactly they want for next time.
If you aren’t in a relationship, I hope you take heed and put together your list right now! I highlighted my top picks— you do the same. If your list consists of 48 needs, I wish you good luck on your long journey. C’mon, be reasonable. If you are currently in a relationship, make your list and see how it turns out. Are their non-negotiables that you are living with yet you wonder why you are so unhappy? What can you control and what can you NOT control? The bottom line, girlfriend, is that your happiness all starts with KNOWING YOU.