Set Your Own Path

I like to watch out the window when I’m working out at the gym. This morning, there wasn’t too much to see.  It was pouring rain, and everyone was rushing in and out of their cars. As I watched the rain come down, I noticed a little mallard duck behind a car. Obviously, this was the perfect day for him.  He was making his way across the parking lot, back and forth, like he had a goal that he needed to accomplish.

 

I continued to watch him make his way across the street. He would slow down and look around for a few minutes. However, that wouldn’t last too long. He would quickly take off again, walking with purpose here and there. And then it dawned on me…

 

Where were all the other ducks?

 

Ducks are very social animals and like to stick in groups. I scanned the parking lot for other mallards but failed to find any other birds. I continued to watch him for a while, waiting to see another duck appear. It became clear that this was a lone duck.

 

Seeing this guy out there all alone reminded me of all the times in my career that I was out there “alone”. If you don’t know what I referring to, let me explain.  There must have been times in your career that you didn’t follow the crowd.

 

Think about it.

 

For me, it was the time that I had the courage to say what everyone else was afraid to admit. Now, I’m not going to lie to you and tell you that it all worked out well. It didn’t. However, it was the right thing to do, and someone needed to do it. And I was the only one that was willing to stick my neck out. And if I could rewind the “tape” and have a do-over, I would do exactly the same thing.

 

Even if the result was painful. I would still definitely do it again because it was the right thing to do in that situation.

 

When you are experiencing this moment, you feel like that mallard that I saw walking back and forth in the street.  At times, you are sure of your intentions, and feel good about your decisions and direction in life. You have purpose, integrity and are following your compass. The next moment, you are stuck. You are unsure what step you should take next and whether you just made a colossal mistake. And maybe you spend a little time like the mallard duck, not moving, wondering what the heck to do next.

 

And it’s certainly painful being out there all alone. We all want to be part of our social group.

 

Exceptional leaders go through this experience at some point in their career. They need to make a split decision that might upset the balance of their organization. Their actions can cause them to feel isolated and make them question their decision-making skills. But the truth is, you can’t become an exceptional leader unless you are willing to upset the balance now and then. Eventually, something will happen and you will feel compelled to make a change that will not be readily accepted.

 

So take a tip from your friend the mallard and stay the course. Reflect on your actions and be clear on what is the right way to move forward and meet your goals.  Don’t be influenced by the popular decision, the one that will keep you comfortable and will ensure the status quo. As a leader, you are tasked to make the right decision-no

Fear of CHANGE

image fear of changeA couple of months ago, I was coaching a client that was struggling to make changes in his work and home life. He was having difficulty focusing on his responsibilities and felt miserably stuck. Everyday was another lesson in futility. From his vantage point, he had no options to change the situation.

 

As an exercise, I suggested that we make a list of all the choices that he had in life. He was to write down every single choice that came to mind, devoid of judgment. I was impressed by his ability to list the different choices that he had, no matter how crazy they seemed. After the list was completed, we went through the choices and took a closer look at each one of them.

 

One by one, we discussed the choices in detail. One by one, he would give me all the reasons why the choice would absolutely never work. I tried to help him see each choice from a fresh perspective, but no matter what I did, he had a whole list of compelling reasons why it would fail.

 

I looked at him for awhile and then I said calmly, “Do you notice that you’ve vehemently explained to me why none of these ideas work when you originally thought these ideas were great? Why do you think that is?”

 

Sometimes we are so scared of trying something new that we will stay in a horrible situation. There are a lot of uncertainties in trying something new. We don’t know exactly what’s going to happen. We aren’t sure how things are going to progress. Fear of the unknown causes us to stay exactly where we are. Fear of failure can take ahold of us and rule our life. The truth is that not making a choice and staying stuck is also failing.

 

Change is hard. It’s hard for people and it’s hard for organizations.

 

At some point in your life, you have sat in this very same chair. You have lamented how unhappy you are, yet still aggressively fought the possibility of any change. Fighting the change ensured that you would be safe from failure. Or did it?

 

My suggestion is to make one change. The change doesn’t have to be huge; it just has to be one teeny tiny step that moves you in the direction of your goal. After you have done this, take another tiny step and another. This pushes you out of your paralysis stage and into an action stage.

 

Be honest and recognize that your reasoning for shooting down all your choices is tied up in your fear of what waits on the other side. Accept the emotion and continue to take small incremental steps.

 

Along the way, be sure to remind yourself that the FEAR of FEAR is far worse than the fear itself.