Simple Solutions

My spouse and I have an ongoing argument. We have been fighting about this for about as long as we have been married. Believe me, it’s been a long time.

Our disagreement is always about the temperature in the house. I’m always cold and he’s always warm. Now, the rule in the house is that once it’s become warm out and there is an urgent need to turn on the air, the heat is officially turned off for the season. That means if the air-conditioning is turned on on April 15 because it’s 80 degrees out, you are not to turn the heat on the next week when it plummets to 45.

In case you were wondering, I didn’t make this rule.

I try to weather (no pun intended) this as best as I can, but sometimes it’s just ridiculous. Last night was one of those nights. I came home and noticed that the house was quite cool. I complained and complained about it and of course, nothing happened. This morning, I woke up and immediately felt that the room was freezing. All the animals were smashed up against me trying to stay alive in the frigid temps. I went downstairs to eat breakfast, feeling the same frustration welling up inside of me, muttering to myself how tired I am of this whole situation.

I considered waking him up to have the same familiar fight and then it dawned on me. Why was I so miserable when there was an obvious solution? Why did I continue to complain when there was another, better, alternative? I walked over to the thermostat and turned the heat back on in the house.

It was that easy.

Have you ever noticed that some of the stuff that drives us crazy doesn’t really have to drive us crazy? There are obvious solutions to our problems, but we are so intent on our negative swirling that we forget we don’t have to be quite so unhappy. We play out the same pattern over and over and we lose sight of reality: the situation is really not that hard to resolve. We really have more control to change our lives than we think.

I know you are thinking that I was pretty silly to not see the obvious— that all I had to do was walk over to the thermostat and change the setting to heat. However, It never occurred to me. I will bet that something like this is playing out right now in your own personal or professional life. Maybe it involves a co-worker that is driving you crazy, a boss that makes you lose your patience or a friend that has overstayed their welcome. Whatever the situation, it’s possible that you have become so emotionally involved in “the fight” that you can no longer see the “forest for the trees”. There’s a chance that the pattern is set, and you might find some strange comfort with the negative interaction. You continue to stay where you are because you no longer can see the choices you have to make your life better.

So take a step back and try to get a birds-eye view of the situation. There’s a good chance that you can break out of the pattern and find a positive solution.

And in case you were wondering about my dilemma, he has yet to say anything to me.

Stepping Back

image looking over cliffIt was years ago, but I still remember it vividly. My husband and my son were in the backyard taking apart the very used trampoline. Full of tears, it had reached the point where it was no longer safe for the kids. There was a new one sitting in a box in the backyard. However, before they could assemble the new one, they needed to tear apart the old one. The task seemed pretty simple.

 

The trampoline was made up of 2-foot long curved metal tubes that you put together to form the circle shape. They were pulling the pieces off at a good pace when they hit a snag. You see, one tube refused to pull apart from the other tube. It was jammed in there and refused to budge. When I first looked out the window, I saw them working hard on that one end. They had pulled off enough tubes that they were holding about ½ of the original circle. They hammered, pulled and tried just about everything to get the tube to release from the others. Nothing worked.

 

The next time I looked out, 20 minutes had passed. I walked outside and saw that they were still working on the same tube, trying everything to get it unstuck. They were laser focused on solving this issue and totally engrossed in their work. I yelled to them and asked if that was still the same tube. They said yes and it was clear that I was breaking their concentration. I then asked them why they don’t just try to pull apart the tubes at the other end of the ½ circle. They looked at me with bewilderment and tried it. Each one came apart and they were left with the two they had been working on.

 

“You are surrounded by simple, obvious solutions that can dramatically increase your income, power, influence and success. The problem is, you just don’t see them.”

Jay Abraham

 

This story illustrates what happens to many people in the workplace. For a variety of reasons, we fail to see the forest for the trees. We’re so intent on solving the problem and focusing in on the details that we totally miss the whole picture. We miss the simple answer that is right in front of our eyes.

 

This kind of thinking can cause organizations to take a very wrong turn and make poor decisions that can lead to even poorer outcomes.

 

There’s a good chance that right now, you’re grappling with some decisions or problems and wondering about the solution. Here’s my suggestion; step back and take a fresh look on the whole situation. Open your mind and make a list of the many ways you could solve the problem. Take a break from the situation and do something totally different. Truly listen to others that might have a different approach than your own.

 

What I’m suggesting to you is to get outside your own box. You have learned to solve problems in the same manner. You need a new perspective.

 

Just don’t get stuck in your head without taking a step back.

Long-Term Solutions

I was having a conversation with a friend at the gym this morning.  We were talking about our children and our lives, and that led to a conversation about relationships.  She shared that she knew someone that was in a bad marriage and had been for years.  She wasn’t sure why this friend stayed in this relationship, but lately, the friend had been telling her about another man that was paying attention to her.  This new infatuation took up a lot of space in her head and the whole thing really bothered my friend.

 

She didn’t understand why this woman was turning to someone else when she had a current relationship that obviously needed attention.  I agreed with her.  Frankly, I’ve seen this same scenario play out over and over with numerous relationships.  Instead of dealing with the situation at hand and facing the uncomfortable truth, many turn to other people to give them what they’re missing.  Common sense tells you that this isn’t going to turn out positively.  Eventually, the whole thing is going to combust and the problems are going to be bigger and harder to solve.  But doing this in the short-term is easier and not as painful.

 

Which leads me to this thought: why do people choose to handle their issues with short-term fixes that feel good instead of dealing with the problem?  I’m not just referring to relationships— I see the same pattern with women and their choices in their careers.  They take the job that pays more initially over the job that has potential and fits their skills better.  The extra money sounds really good and is an immediate fix.  They can’t imagine getting by on less money, even if it means down the road, they could very well have the job of their dreams.  They can’t visualize changing careers and doing what they love because they would have to start over financially and emotionally. All they can see is the long road ahead, which is hard, so they stay exactly where they are.

 

I see it when people are grappling with the decision to start a business.  Starting a business is a major sacrifice in your life. Chances are, you’ll be strapped for money, overworked, and deal daily with frustration.  Success won’t happen overnight and you have to be willing to wait to reap the benefits.  That “sure thing” paycheck seems like a much easier route to take.  It’s the owners that hang in there and are willing to keep working toward their far-away goal that find eventual success.

 

What I’m asking you to do is to think about your own life.  Is there an area of your life where you can’t bear to do the hard work?  Is it a relationship, career, or friendship?  Is it your health?  Is that piece of cake your short-term fix to feel better when you really need to do that one-hour workout at the gym and lose 10 pounds?  Do you find yourself giving in to your kid and letting him have that toy in the store because it’s easier than saying no and surviving the anger and rejection (and tantrum) that will follow the decision?

 

I’m suggesting that you stop putting band-aids on your problems.  There’s no quick way to make a million dollars.  There’s no secret way to instantly lose 20 pounds.  Your obstacles are not going to go away without some long-term planning and hard work. Stop doing what “feels good” in the short-term and face the issue at hand.  In the long run, this is the real recipe for happiness and success.