Revealing Reactions

I was in the home stretch of my walk with my Pug Miles. It was a cold day, and I had dreaded taking this walk the whole afternoon. Despite the cold, I was warming up as we walked briskly to the back of the neighborhood. When Miles was sufficiently tired, we made our way to the front and turned right on our street.

 

I was lost in thought, finding it ironic that what I had initially dreaded, had become an enjoyable experience. Out of nowhere, I heard yelling and commotion. Before I could react, I looked to my left and saw a large dog barreling toward us at a breakneck speed. A young boy followed, running as fast as his legs could carry him.

 

To paint a clearer picture, Miles is 11 years old and is not the most athletic dog, and his hearing leaves much to be desired. Pugs are passive dogs by nature and in all the years we’ve had Pugs, I’ve never seen one show any aggression. Basically, they’re wimps. As you can imagine, this other dog definitely had the advantage.

 

Miles didn’t anticipate a dog in the next few seconds invading his space.  Before I could react, the dog was attacking, growling, and ferociously biting at his neck.

 

What happened next surprised me. Guttural, horrible sounds were coming out of Miles. Once he got his bearings, he was aggressively attacking this large dog right back. I couldn’t pull them apart, and I was fearful that I was going to be bit by this dog in the process. Finally, the young boy secured his dog, apologized profusely, and left us to walk the rest of the way back home.

 

When I got home, I checked Miles everywhere to ensure that he hadn’t gotten bit anywhere. You see, this is not the first time Miles has been attacked by a dog. In the past, we have ended up at the vet getting stiches.

 

Reflecting on the experience, I realized that Miles had learned from his traumatic events that when in doubt, be aggressive. I have seen this side of him and questioned why his reaction was way too extreme and didn’t fit the situation. Not a normal response from a pug, but one that he learned from being in some harrowing circumstances.

 

And that’s my point to sharing this story.

 

Think about someone in your personal or professional life that you feel comes on a little too strong. Someone that with the most minor of slight, goes for the jugular. Maybe you refer to this person as being too high strung, or maybe too thin-skinned. Chances are that they have learned this response from their past experiences. They live by a belief system that says, “fight back quickly because people will hurt you” or “people will always take advantage of you”. Therefore, they overcompensate when something happens and go from 0-60 when it doesn’t merit such a reaction.

 

Maybe as a leader, you have made judgments about this person without considering what’s beneath the quick response. Consider that just maybe this individual really isn’t quite as “mean” as you think, but they “bite back” when the circumstance doesn’t necessarily call for that reaction. Understanding and a productive conversation can lead to this person gaining more self-awareness and the ability to control their reactions.

 

Leave the judgment at the door and strive for positive change.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Best-Laid Plans

image broken dishOn Labor Day weekend, we had plans to go on a long bike ride. We were going to do a 65-mile route that we had done before, but this time we would reverse our course and be faced with some pretty big hills.

 

Notice that I said that we had PLANS. That’s the funny thing about plans— they don’t always come to fruition.

 

It happened at exactly 1.8 miles. I heard a loud pop that sounded like a gunshot. At first, I had no idea what had just happened. Within a few seconds, the source of the noise was apparent. My back tire was flat. As we pulled over to fix the tire, my first thought was, “Well there goes my plan of doing this ride within the allotted amount of hours!” Then, I forced myself to focus on the task at hand— changing the tire. We replaced the inner tube and filled the tire with air once more.

 

Guess what happened? Again, the tire immediately made the loud popping noise. That’s when we noticed the tire was shredded on the side.

 

It was clear that we weren’t riding anywhere and I would be walking home 1.8 miles.

 

My first thought this time was “We can’t go now, our day is ruined!” and my feeling was one of disappointment. This was not what we had planned. Then, my problem solving took over. We discussed how and where I could get another tire. As I walked my bike back to my house, I thought about how I was still going to make this ride happen. You see, I had my whole day planned. I was going to go shopping after my ride but now that wasn’t going to work. So I quickly thought through my new plan.

 

By the time I got home, I sprang into action. I went shopping and ran some errands while my husband went to buy another tire. After lunch, we were ready to ride again.

 

On my bike ride, I thought about the earlier experience and how it really wasn’t any different from what happens to most of us everyday. Things happen and our reaction to those things determines our level of stress and unhappiness. As humans, we like to control our world. We feel safe, secure and in control when we have structure, plans and know what to expect in life. However, life can rarely be controlled so tightly. No matter how hard you try to control things, stuff happens that you didn’t count on.

 

Many times, the stuff that happens is far worse than a little flat tire.

 

Now think about the last time that your plans were upended? How did you react?

 

This skill that enables you to ride the waves when your life turns upside down and things don’t go the way you expected is called RESILIENCE. Most of us are not born with this skill but if you work hard, you can definitely develop it over time. Just like me, you’ll always have that first thought that acknowledges your disappointment and initial reaction to the new turn of events. However, the next thought and feeling is pivotal to where you end up. The next thought and feeling determines whether you can change how things turn out.

 

Stuff is always going to happen. This stuff seems to undermine your plans in life. Learn to weather those changes so you can still find the success you desire in both your personal and professional life!

 

 

 

Soft Skills

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85 Broads recently welcomed Jodi Allen to talk about her journey to finding personal and professional success. Jodi is currently Vice-President of North America Marketing at Procter and Gamble and has grown her entire career there.  Of course, one of the most important things we wanted to know from her was the secret to finding real success in your career.  What truly separates the very successful individuals from all the rest?

 

The advice she shared was indispensible. You not only have to excel in your expertise area and consistently produce excellent work, but on top of that, you must master the soft skills needed.  The two must be fully present in order for you to achieve your goals. The answer wasn’t actually that surprising to me.

 

In my opinion, one of the most important soft skills you must possess is your ability to articulate what you want and desire in your career.  Often, recent graduates focus on getting a firm grasp on their job responsibilities and expect everything else to fall into place. That’s just not the way it works.

 

Lately, it seems as though I’ve come across many young people that are frustrated in their early careers.  They don’t feel that they’re being challenged and they watch people get promoted above them when they feel deserving of that same opportunity.  But, have they done everything they can possibly do to ensure that they find success and career happiness?

 

Not always. The young professional has a responsibility to take more control in their career. He or she needs to have a voice and be able to articulate what they need in order to be fulfilled in their position. They need to be able to voice what their goals are at the company and give feedback when feedback is needed. Although this is their first position, they need to have a clear understanding of what they want and develop a plan to go for it. They must believe that it is possible to control their universe and make things happen, until proven otherwise.

 

The reason that this is difficult is because many of us have been trained to keep our nose clean and not cause problems.  Having your voice comes with a risk attached—you don’t know exactly how your opinion is going to be received. You might not be viewed in a positive light.  However, you must take that risk to get what you want.

 

Just the other day, I had a conversation with my future daughter-in-law. She just graduated as a nurse practitioner and currently works at the hospital as a nurse. She had a brief conversation with a neurosurgeon and informed him that he hadn’t handled a situation according to protocol.  She knew that the information could be received positively or negatively, but nevertheless, it needed to be said. Ten minutes later, he came up to her again and asked if she had graduated with her advanced degree yet.  When she said yes, he suggested that she work for him.

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It’s important to have your voice in your first position.  This first position can be a template for every other job in your career. As humans, we tend to repeat our actions over and over unless we make a very conscious decision to change our behavior. If you refuse to take control, create possible alternatives and take action in your first situation, it’s possible that you will approach every position in your career the very same way.

 

Being able to have your voice, seize control and make things happen, regardless of your situation, is the foundation of career success.  It’s a major part of being a Resilient Worker.