When Change Doesn’t Go Your Way

image looking over cliffIt’s no secret that the Denver Broncos beat the Carolina Panthers the other night in the Super Bowl. Especially crushed was the quarterback, Cam Newton, who showed his true feelings and emotions at the press conference following the game.

 

Cam has been lambasted in the media for appearing sullen, having one-word answers, and subsequently, walking out during the conference. Apparently, he didn’t get the memo that as a top sport star, he is also required to be on his very best behavior— especially in front of millions of people.

 

The problem was simply his reaction to CHANGE. He didn’t expect to lose. He wasn’t prepared to lose. I doubt any true athlete is prepared to lose or they would never win.

 

So let’s review the facts: Cam Newton was the only player in recent times to be awarded the Heisman Trophy, win a national championship and become a first overall pick in the NFL within a one-year span. In 2011, he was the NFL rookie of the year, a 3 time pro bowler and named to the All Pro First Team. In his rookie year, he broke numerous records and in 2015, the Panthers only lost 1 game in the 15 weeks that they played.

 

Suffice it to say, Cam Newton didn’t get much experience learning how to lose. Winning in life is what he knew, and the more he won, the more he expected to win. That’s a good thing and that’s how teams become winning franchises. The Super Bowl is what every player has worked for all year. The snag is that he just assumed this would turn out the way he anticipated.

 

Now, I imagine that your emotions run high during a game. I suppose the adrenaline runs out of control leading up to the big game. Some of that emotion drives you to succeed while an overdose can take you out of control. And then, the end of the game comes and you have won or lost. In this case, his team lost and he’s required to go right from running on overdrive to 0 in a few minutes.

 

He’s expected to accept the fact, graciously I might add, that he has lost something he has worked for his whole entire life.

 

Becoming resilient in life and riding the waves is often a learned skill. You become adept at accepting change, moving on from experiencing major let downs and disappointments and finally, realizing that life goes on. You learn this at work when you lose that promotion that you thought you had in the bag. You learn this when you start a business and you fail miserably. You learn this when you think your boss is going to tell you how lucky they are to have you as an employee, but instead, they tell you that you‘re fired. You control your emotions in these situations the best you can, but no one would fault you for not being able to be gracious while you’re being kicked.

 

No one makes it through a career without getting hit with some bad luck here or there. The important thing to remember is that people are not robots— they are complicated human beings with feelings and emotions. You don’t always do the right thing. Sometimes it’s hard to keep it together and control your emotions. Sometimes you make mistakes. Sometimes you don’t want to accept the CHANGE that life has thrown at you and you can’t take control in 15 minutes, or for that matter, in 15 days. Often, it’s a process and takes a while to think things through and make sense of the situation.

 

So give yourself and others a break when going through CHANGE and failure, whether it takes place in the workplace or on a world stage. In time, we all will learn to accept and understand this unexpected turn of events, becoming more resilient.

 

 

 

Positive Illusions

lion in mirror 2Miles the Pug weighs 26 pounds and stands about 1 foot tall. Consistently, he becomes aggressive when he encounters big dogs. He will bark and lunge at them before they even move as much as an inch toward him. In fact, if the dog is bigger than him, you can count on Miles doing his best to antagonize the dog until the other dog gets aggressive. After the event has culminated, he swaggers away with confidence as the other agitated dog continues to go ballistic.

 

He never shows this behavior with smaller dogs. In fact, even when the small dog attempts to play with him, he shows little interest and just walks away. Frankly, it’s just not worth his time.

 

Miles is a prime example of someone displaying a positive illusion about self.

 

A positive illusion is an unrealistic attitude that people (or in this case, Pugs) hold toward themselves. Studies consistently show that people often demonstrate self-deception and self-enhancement when it comes to their skills and talents in life. They see themselves in a much more positive light than is realistically possible.

 

It certainly has been working well for Miles thus far. I really don’t foresee any glaring problems except for the one day when he runs out of luck and he meets a huge, angry dog that doesn’t buy into his positive illusion.

 

You are probably thinking that this problem can work to someone’s benefit. I’m sure you’ve read the plethora of articles and inspirational messages on thinking positively. Thinking optimistically can lead to successful outcomes, right? If you believe that you are capable of big things, then you will be able to accomplish big things in your career and personal life.

 

Well, the answer is yes and no.

 

Yes, thinking positively, trudging forward and making it through the storm CAN lead to successful outcomes and achievement of your goals. However, if you are suffering from some positive illusions, you’re going to have difficulty seeing how you might benefit from making some CHANGES in life. You are not going to be able to comprehend WHY you should make a CHANGE when you think things are just fine.

In other words, if you hold an inflated sense of self, how is anyone going to convince you that CHANGING a, b or c might move you forward in life?

 

I want to make sure that you understand that I’m not referring to people that are arrogant, overconfident or narcissistic. I’m referring to someone just like YOU.

 

ALL of us exhibit this type of behavior now and then, in our careers. Why we do this is understandable— we want to soothe our egos and not feel bad. What would you say if I told you that in a research study, only 2% of high school seniors believed their leadership skills were below average?

 

I feel confident in saying that there isn’t a person that exists in the workplace that doesn’t have some positive illusions blocking their path to success.

Having positive illusions poses an enormous problem with regard to change. Before you can change, before you can move in a new direction, you need to be able to make an honest self-assessment. Without that ability to honestly self-assess, it’s impossible to move forward.

 

Positive Illusions play a role in the success or failure of entrepreneurs, leaders of industry and every position that exists in the workplace. Being able to let down your guard and see yourself honestly, flaws and all, is the first step to finding success in life.

 

Yes, it takes courage to drop the positive illusions, and see things honestly. But I’m positive that you are more than capable.