Running on Autopilot

image autopilotIt really isn’t that hard to believe that it happened if you understand the logic behind habits. There I was, struggling as usual to get out of the gym and make it back to my house in time. I knew that I had about 20 minutes to get completely ready to leave for an appointment. Deep in thought about my next appointment, I grabbed my keys that were in the cubby above my jacket and picked up my phone. Doing what I always do when I get in the car, I put my foot on the brake, hit the button to start the engine, and dropped the keys into my purse.

 

Four days later, I was searching my purse for something, when I found a set of strange keys. I stared at them for a while, trying to think up a logical reason as to why they would be in my purse. I came up empty.

 

Terrified that I had taken them from someone at the last store I had visited, I ran back to talk to them. They had never seen the keys. I imagined someone, somewhere, was being held captive without his or her keys. I traced and retraced my steps to try to solve the problem, but I just didn’t have the answers.

 

The next day, I went to the gym early in the morning, as I do every Monday. I mentioned to the worker that I had a strange set of keys in my purse and I sensed they belonged to someone here. I could tell from the look on his face that I had solved the mystery. Apparently, someone went to grab their own keys and found they were missing.

 

Now, when I do something stupid like this (and it truly was dumb), I have this need to dig down deep and figure out why. How did I not recognize that I was holding someone else’s keys? Why don’t I even remember reaching for the keys in the cubby and leaving the gym?

 

The answer lies in habits and patterns that we form in our life. In the book, Mindgym, Octavius Black and Sebastian Bailey explain that there are four different states of mind: thinking and critical, which are internal, and engaged and autopilot, which are external. Thinking and engaged are helpful states that allow you to navigate your life, while critical, negative thinking and autopilot states are harmful and stand in the way of you being successful.

 

Suffice it to say, I was in autopilot when I grabbed keys that didn’t belong to me. I was in autopilot when I dropped them in my purse without looking at them.

 

You depend on habits for 40% of the actions that you have throughout your day. Habits enable you to perform numerous tasks without exerting as much brainpower. Habits also are the reason that change is so difficult for you. They are deeply ingrained patterns that you do without giving it much thought.

 

However, in a week where I lost my umbrella, left my sweater at a restaurant AND took someone elses keys, maybe it’s time to rethink my autopilot habits and become more engaged in my surroundings. It is very possible that you might need to give thought to the patterns in your life as well.

 

 

 

 

 

Unfinished Business

image headI recently attended a fundraising event where I didn’t know a number of people. When it was time to sit down for lunch, I worked my way over to a table of all new faces. I introduced myself to the person on my left and then turned to my right. With a smile on my face, I told my tablemate my name and began to make conversation.

 

The next thing out of my mouth was the following:

“So what do you do?” With a stern look on her face, and a negative tone to her comment, she replied, “I work really hard”.

 

I like to think of myself as fairly perceptive when it comes to people and the communication process. However, this time, I was confused. In the next few seconds I attempted to figure out what was going on in the interaction. My tablemate seemed irritated and I knew that I hadn’t said anything out of the ordinary. I searched my memory to see if I was supposed to recognize this woman and I had disappointed her. I came up with nothing. I needed to figure out why she was reacting to me in such a negative manner.

 

My next move was to agree with her. “I’m sure you do work hard.” Then, it occurred to me that maybe she took offense to the question, “what do you do”. So then I asked her in a light way what she works hard DOING. She began to share how she works at home with her teenage children. After we got over that hump, she began to loosen up. She shared a little about her life and we proceeded to get along just fine.

 

Apparently, her decision to work from home was colored with much emotion. Of course, I had no idea that I was walking into such a landmine. I had just met her! However, I’m imagining that in her mind, I had a lot of nerve to ask her what she does. In her mind, she feels that people are looking down on her because she isn’t working. In her mind, she’s angry that I had the audacity to ask her that question and act like she doesn’t work hard.

 

In her mind, she thinks I’m judging her.

 

Of course you know that’s not the truth. I was innocently trying to make conversation with a tablemate. However, from where she sat, the judging seemed very real.

 

There have been times that I’ve misinterpreted other’s actions and words because of what I was grappling with in my own head. My negative thoughts misconstrued the actual message that the other person was trying to convey to me. I’m also pretty positive that the same thing has happened to you on more than one occasion. You have had mistakes in thinking fueled by some “unfinished business”. I’m referring to that “stuff” that triggers you to react and respond inaccurately to the sent message. That stuff triggers you to not only misinterpret the message, but also can negatively impact the outcome of the situation. Your behavior at these moments can squelch opportunities for your future.

That unfinished business will continue to haunt you until it gets addressed and dealt with head on.

 

So, do yourself a favor and deal with what’s clogging up your brain so you can be more effective in your personal and professional life!