Soft Skills

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85 Broads recently welcomed Jodi Allen to talk about her journey to finding personal and professional success. Jodi is currently Vice-President of North America Marketing at Procter and Gamble and has grown her entire career there.  Of course, one of the most important things we wanted to know from her was the secret to finding real success in your career.  What truly separates the very successful individuals from all the rest?

 

The advice she shared was indispensible. You not only have to excel in your expertise area and consistently produce excellent work, but on top of that, you must master the soft skills needed.  The two must be fully present in order for you to achieve your goals. The answer wasn’t actually that surprising to me.

 

In my opinion, one of the most important soft skills you must possess is your ability to articulate what you want and desire in your career.  Often, recent graduates focus on getting a firm grasp on their job responsibilities and expect everything else to fall into place. That’s just not the way it works.

 

Lately, it seems as though I’ve come across many young people that are frustrated in their early careers.  They don’t feel that they’re being challenged and they watch people get promoted above them when they feel deserving of that same opportunity.  But, have they done everything they can possibly do to ensure that they find success and career happiness?

 

Not always. The young professional has a responsibility to take more control in their career. He or she needs to have a voice and be able to articulate what they need in order to be fulfilled in their position. They need to be able to voice what their goals are at the company and give feedback when feedback is needed. Although this is their first position, they need to have a clear understanding of what they want and develop a plan to go for it. They must believe that it is possible to control their universe and make things happen, until proven otherwise.

 

The reason that this is difficult is because many of us have been trained to keep our nose clean and not cause problems.  Having your voice comes with a risk attached—you don’t know exactly how your opinion is going to be received. You might not be viewed in a positive light.  However, you must take that risk to get what you want.

 

Just the other day, I had a conversation with my future daughter-in-law. She just graduated as a nurse practitioner and currently works at the hospital as a nurse. She had a brief conversation with a neurosurgeon and informed him that he hadn’t handled a situation according to protocol.  She knew that the information could be received positively or negatively, but nevertheless, it needed to be said. Ten minutes later, he came up to her again and asked if she had graduated with her advanced degree yet.  When she said yes, he suggested that she work for him.

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It’s important to have your voice in your first position.  This first position can be a template for every other job in your career. As humans, we tend to repeat our actions over and over unless we make a very conscious decision to change our behavior. If you refuse to take control, create possible alternatives and take action in your first situation, it’s possible that you will approach every position in your career the very same way.

 

Being able to have your voice, seize control and make things happen, regardless of your situation, is the foundation of career success.  It’s a major part of being a Resilient Worker.

The Blame Game

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When I was engaged, I had a talk with my future husband about my birthday.  I explained to him what birthdays were like in my house growing up.  My parents never overindulged us with presents— there wasn’t a lot of money.  However, I was always treated very special. I would wake up in the morning to my mother singing Happy Birthday and could request the cake of my choice. We always celebrated out at a restaurant where I could order whatever I wanted.

 

Anyway, I informed him before we were married that in order for me to be happy, I needed to be treated special on my birthday. I didn’t need extravagant presents, I just needed to be treated special. I explained to him in detail what that entailed.

 

I’m sure it’s no surprise to find out that in 32 years of marriage, I’ve never been disappointed on my birthday.  He has never forgotten the day and has always made me feel special. Therefore, my expectations have always matched my actual reality.

 

When I think back to different phases of my life, I can’t recall too many times where my expectations weren’t in sync with my reality. My ability to verbalize what I needed in my personal and professional life led me to being happy with the outcome.

 

I have come to the realization that much of our disappointment and unhappiness in life surrounds this notion of having expectations.  A person is capable of spending way too much time focusing on how their reality isn’t what they expected in their career and personal life.  But just like my birthday story, each one of us has equal opportunity to seize control of our own chunk of happiness.  The answer is simple: you can state clearly what you want and need in life.

 

Doesn’t this seem like such a simple solution to a problem?  All you have to do is state what you expect and need in life.  If this is so simple, why is this so difficult? Why do we play so many games, waiting to see if people are going to deliver what we need?  Why are we so afraid to tell people what we want?

 

The first step to assessing your own ability in this area is to be totally honest. How often do you find yourself unhappy because you expected more? Do you state clearly in your career what you need or do you expect others to figure it out?  Do you tell your friends and family what you need to be happy or do you find yourself complaining because someone has let you down?

 

And here’s the million-dollar question— do you find that this is a recurring theme in every facet of your life?  Do you keep wanting and hoping for things, expecting others to just know, and then are you disappointed in others actions and your own consequences?

 

If this mirrors your life in any way, I want you to know that all is not lost.  You can always change your behavior, which will certainly change your life.  If you haven’t shared what you need and want consistently in your life, then you should hold YOU accountable for not getting what you want. Realize that you hold the key in your relationship with your boss, your employees, or your family members. Stop playing the blame game and accept responsibility for your own situation.

 

 

Pet Peeves

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I have a confession to make to all of you— I have a couple of pet peeves. Yes, there are a few things that I find particularly annoying.  I came to this conclusion today when I felt myself getting quite upset over something that happened.

 

I believe that I’ve demonstrated on a pretty consistent basis that I’m a fairly calm and even-keeled person.  I take what life throws at me in a pretty cool manner and I bounce back fairly quick.

 

With that said, I did some hard thinking when I was working out today, wondering why I reacted so strongly to a recent event. I decided to figure out WHY it bothered me so much. Why do I react so strongly to certain things when I let the majority of stuff that happens throughout the day just slide off my back? Well, here’s what I found.

 

I have a hard time dealing with people that are late.

When I did some deep thinking on this subject, I began to have a vision. I’m about 7 years old and I’m standing at the bottom of my stairs with my brother.  We’re yelling upstairs for my sister to hurry up because we’re late for Sunday School.  This same scene played out every week in our house. My sister was never able to come down on time. In fact, my sister was never able to get to any event without running late.  I remember years later, at an event to honor my son, I didn’t even expect my sister to get there on time— which she did not.

 

Now, I’m still not sure why she was always late. However, I do know that I acquired a strong distaste for people that aren’t on time.  Apparently, it triggers some negative feelings that developed many years ago. This piece of information is important to know. Recognizing why I’m reacting so strongly to an event helps me deal with the situation.

 

I have a hard time dealing with people that commit and then don’t deliver.

Those of you that know me really well are probably laughing and nodding your head.  You’ve seen me get upset about this very thing. After some deep thought, I realized this one is also rooted in my upbringing.  My mother and father always taught me that your word means something.  If you’ve said you’ll do something, you do it. I’ve lived my life this way, and it always surprises me when others don’t feel the same.  This one is a strong trigger for me— especially if the individual doesn’t take any accountability for not following through.

 

Right about now, you’re probably thinking about your own “pet peeves” that drive you crazy.  There’s a reason WHY you react so strongly to them and it might be helpful for you to understand just what it is.  What’s the story underneath that pet peeve?  What past experiences have shaped your perceptions? It might help you to better comprehend why you react so strongly to a boss, peer at work, family member or a friend.

 

The next time your pet peeve strikes, you can step back and remind yourself WHY you are reacting so strongly to the situation.  Then, you can give thought as to whether this situation is truly worthy of the emotional energy you’re expending.

 

Chances are, it’s not.

Pet Peeves

pet peeves

 

I have a confession to make to all of you— I have a couple of pet peeves. Yes, there are a few things that I find particularly annoying.  I came to this conclusion today when I felt myself getting quite upset over something that happened.

 

I believe that I’ve demonstrated on a pretty consistent basis that I’m a fairly calm and even-keeled person.  I take what life throws at me in a pretty cool manner and I bounce back fairly quick.

 

With that said, I did some hard thinking when I was working out today, wondering why I reacted so strongly to a recent event. I decided to figure out WHY it bothered me so much. Why do I react so strongly to certain things when I let the majority of stuff that happens throughout the day just slide off my back? Well, here’s what I found.

 

I have a hard time dealing with people that are late.

When I did some deep thinking on this subject, I began to have a vision. I’m about 7 years old and I’m standing at the bottom of my stairs with my brother.  We’re yelling upstairs for my sister to hurry up because we’re late for Sunday School.  This same scene played out every week in our house. My sister was never able to come down on time. In fact, my sister was never able to get to any event without running late.  I remember years later, at an event to honor my son, I didn’t even expect my sister to get there on time— which she did not.

 

Now, I’m still not sure why she was always late. However, I do know that I acquired a strong distaste for people that aren’t on time.  Apparently, it triggers some negative feelings that developed many years ago. This piece of information is important to know. Recognizing why I’m reacting so strongly to an event helps me deal with the situation.

 

I have a hard time dealing with people that commit and then don’t deliver.

Those of you that know me really well are probably laughing and nodding your head.  You’ve seen me get upset about this very thing. After some deep thought, I realized this one is also rooted in my upbringing.  My mother and father always taught me that your word means something.  If you’ve said you’ll do something, you do it. I’ve lived my life this way, and it always surprises me when others don’t feel the same.  This one is a strong trigger for me— especially if the individual doesn’t take any accountability for not following through.

 

Right about now, you’re probably thinking about your own “pet peeves” that drive you crazy.  There’s a reason WHY you react so strongly to them and it might be helpful for you to understand just what it is.  What’s the story underneath that pet peeve?  What past experiences have shaped your perceptions? It might help you to better comprehend why you react so strongly to a boss, peer at work, family member or a friend.

 

The next time your pet peeve strikes, you can step back and remind yourself WHY you are reacting so strongly to the situation.  Then, you can give thought as to whether this situation is truly worthy of the emotional energy you’re expending.

 

Chances are, it’s not.

The Secret to Change

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A few years ago, I worked for an organization that was going through some major changes.  At the time, they were moving from their present building to another facility. Countless meetings were held to discuss the changes and allow people to share their concerns.  At some point, I made an observation that all the discussions weren’t helping the situation.  The majority of individuals were not moving forward on the idea of working in a new location.  In fact, they were only digging their heels in even more.

 

I found this fascinating as it all played out.  Being from a Mental Health background, it was interesting to watch the process unfold and observe the different reactions and objections from the various people. I’m sure you can relate to at least one time in your own life where you fought change desperately.

 

But why do we do this?

 

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Well, I have a question for you to answer. Do you by chance eat the same thing for breakfast every morning? Do you go the same way to work every day?  Chances are pretty good that the answer to these questions is a yes.  As humans, we seem to revel in habits.  Habits make our life easier and saner. We like the security of knowing that every step in life doesn’t involve another decision— this can tax our brain, taking more energy and focus. Life can sometimes feel like a whirlwind and frankly, it’s easier if we know what to expect and are able to function on autopilot.

 

Nevertheless, change is part of life and inevitable. No matter what you do to avoid change, it will catch up with you eventually.  Your ability to adapt and go with the flow of life will be the key to you finding the success and happiness you so desire. In lieu of this fact, here are two questions to ask the next time you feel yourself fighting change in the workplace:

 

What is it that I really fear about this change?

I’m asking you to dig deep on this one because your initial objections might not be what’s really bothering you.  The answer might be hidden deep down.  Are you fearful that you won’t be able to succeed in this situation?  Are you scared of how this new change will add work to your life?  Do you have difficulty finding acceptance in many phases of your life? Are you someone that gets stuck and can’t move on?  Be honest and do some real soul searching.

 

How specifically will this change affect me?

 

 

I want you to break it down and attempt to make a list of the positives and negatives in the change.  Often, you can get stuck on the idea and not realize that the change won’t affect you nearly as much as you think.  After you have made your list, I want you to look at each negative that you wrote down and find a way that you can somehow substitute for this loss that you are experiencing. Find some angle to make this change more palatable. For example, let’s say you are losing your 4-walled office and moving to a bright, fabulous new office with open workspace.  You are terrified of this and grieve losing your own space. Look at ways you can replace the loss within the confines off this new change.  What if you asked to work from home one day a week? What if you reserve the conference room for a couple hours a week to have your privacy? There are options here that you can explore which substitute your perceived loss.

 

I believe Socrates said it best when he wrote, “The secret of change is to focus all your energy not on fighting the old, but on building the new.”

What’s Your Brand

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How well do you protect your brand?  I’m not referring to legalities of branding.  If you’re an entrepreneur, I’m not referring to the marketing needs within your company.

 

I’m talking about protecting YOU and what you project into the world.  Let’s be honest here. Most days are probably a whirlwind for you.  You have a calendar chock full of daily tasks and activities.  You don’t have time to think about, contemplate or have any introspection about your activities.  You’re just running from commitment to commitment and meeting your daily objectives.  You are focused on getting through the day.

 

And that’s exactly the problem.  You probably aren’t devoting much thought as to what you give out to the universe daily.  This is due to the fact that you’re focusing on what comes next, getting to your next appointment on time or how you’re going finish the proposal that your prospective client just sent you.

 

I attended a wonderful event out of town the other night.  There were 700 women that had come together to socialize, network and learn. As I made my way to my assigned seat for dinner, I was surprised to see someone at my table that looked familiar. I walked over and asked her how I knew her.  She also felt that I looked familiar and we realized that we had met in Cincinnati before she had recently moved to a new city. Her answers to my questions were short, terse and not overly friendly.  Frankly, I get excited when I see someone I know while I’m out of town, and I was surprised that she didn’t share in the excitement.

 

I made my way around the table and met the different women.  They were all friendly and excited to meet me.  While I was deep in conversation with one, I glanced over at my old acquaintance.  The entire table was deep in conversation while she sat there, quietly staring at her phone with a sour look on her face.  Within the next 15 minutes, I observed again to see if her demeanor had changed.  She still sat there, making no attempt to introduce herself and sending a clear message through her non-verbal’s that she wasn’t interested in talking and definitely not happy to be there.

 

Now, the reason I bring this up is because she was sending me a very clear message— and it wasn’t a good one.  This woman makes her living in a very competitive industry. She made no effort to engage anyone in conversation and convey a positive message.  As for the branding message she was sending?  It was not one that would increase her stock in her industry.

 

Maybe some of you are thinking that she was having a bad day.  Yes, there are days where you’re preoccupied with issues or problems and you find it difficult to make an effort in public.  However, when you represent your brand, you can’t afford to have this happen.  When you’re feeling like this, you have two choices: You can either have a talk with yourself and commit to putting your best foot forward or you can come to the conclusion that you’re better off staying home.

 

The problem with this woman’s behavior is the following: I immediately assume that this is who she is ALL the time. It’s very possible that this is the furthest thing from the truth.  She could have been holding on by a thread and having an absolutely rotten day.  However, I sized her up through her actions in this one experience. People make judgments of others within the first few seconds of meeting them. I’m not saying that this is right, but it is a reality of human behavior.

 

The bottom line is that when you’re in a business where there’s massive competition, you just can’t afford this type of branding. In fact, no matter who you are or what you do, you can’t afford this type of branding. Maybe it’s time for you to reassess the message you are sending the world and ensure that it truly defines YOU.