Opportunity Leads to Growth

 

 

 

images change life I was complaining to my husband over dinner last night. I had taken a look at my schedule and realized that I was booked for a seminar the following day. Although it had sounded like a good idea at the time, I was now lamenting the fact that I’d be tied up all day. On top of that, I always felt wary of attending this specific event every year. The truth was that I felt anxious about seeing people from a previous workplace at the event. You see, the job had not ended on positive terms— the supervisor had suddenly become disenchanted with my talents.

 

As I drove to the seminar, my mind skipped around from thought to thought.  I envisioned being in the seminar and feeling uncomfortable. I imagined that I would have no one to talk to during the event and I wouldn’t have anywhere to sit.  I saw myself asking people if I could join their table with their response being anything but enthusiastic. My brain swirled with these toxic thoughts until I arrived at the event.

 

As I made my way into the room, I was surprised to spot a good friend.  I had no idea that she was going to be there.  Another woman walked by and was very excited to see me.  She came over to say hello and proceeded to remind me that we had gone to school together. She commented that she had been reading about me and was so interested in what I was doing. We talked for a while and I moved on.  A few minutes later another woman walked by and called my name.

 

Again, I had no idea who she was but I spent the remainder of the morning trying to figure it out.  It finally dawned on me how I knew her— she had worked at the previous job where things had gone sour. On a break, I worked my way over to her table to talk to her further.

 

We discussed our current careers and she shared that she was still with the same company. She then looked at me and said, “You know, a funny thing happened after you left.  I was going through some old papers and I came upon a memo from years before addressed to all the employees.  It was concerning some policies that the director felt weren’t being enforced.”  She continued, “The thing that really struck me was the tone of the letter. I wish you could have seen it. It was so harsh, so ugly and so not appropriate. It made me think of the way she had treated you. At the time, I felt her behavior toward you was so out of character.  I realize now that it wasn’t out of character at all.”

 

I finally spoke. “So I must have made her feel threatened.”  She nodded her head.  I spent the rest of the seminar soaking in this new bit of information.

 

What if I had given in to my unrealistic thoughts and anxiety and not attended this event? It’s one thing to have negative thoughts, but it’s quite another to give in to those negative thoughts and let it affect your actions in life. Being willing to ride out those uncomfortable feelings that we all have now and then enabled me to have the exhilarating experience of finally being validated.

 

Each day you have the chance to become a better person.  Each day you have the opportunity to grow as an individual and learn from your experiences.  Each day, you are given this gift but you might not always grab for it.

 

I hope you grab for it.

Overcoming the Mountain of Life

image ski

 

Today, I’m making my way back to the states from British Columbia.  My family had a great time skiing at Whistler Blackcomb Resort and I’m thoroughly exhausted. We spent four days up on the slopes, enjoying the non-stop snow and the fabulous food. On the last day, it dawned on me that skiing is a perfect metaphor for successfully navigating your life.

 

In the afternoon, we had a late lunch up on the mountain and then made our way outside to enjoy the last couple hours.  Wanting to take advantage of every last minute of skiing, we caught the chairlift for the very last run of the day. Suddenly, as we began our descent, a thick fog moved over the mountain. The fog coupled with my exhaustion was not a good combination.

 

My legs felt like jelly as I tried to keep up with my family.  It began to take all my energy just to stay upright on my skis. On a steep slope, I lost my footing and quickly went down.  I took the opportunity to remove my goggles, hoping it would improve my vision.  My visibility was almost non-existent— I could barely make out my husband and son halfway down the hill.

 

I could no longer see each hill— how steep it was as I made my way down, where the turn was, or where the obstacles were in the snow beneath me.  The fog was so thick that we couldn’t even see the signs that showed us the way back to the village.  At one point, we stood at the edge of the mountain having a deep discussion as to which way to go next.

 

My son insisted that we go straight while I wanted to follow the path to the right. I peered over the area that he pointed to but the fog was so intense that I couldn’t see a thing.    For all I knew, it wasn’t a route but the edge of the mountain.  Feeling a total loss of control, I knew that even the green run (the easiest run) would be difficult and absolutely terrifying.  Finally, we spotted another skier that seemed to know the mountain.  We asked his opinion about whether we should go straight and he informed us that it would be a mistake— it was a difficult black run.

 

Instead of panicking, I tried to keep my mind present and just focus on each movement I took. I would concentrate on the rhythm of the skis, back and forth.  Focusing on the present and continuing to work toward my goal enabled me to feel a sense of calm about the situation.  I don’t think I’ve ever been so happy as when I heard the sounds of the village and I realized that we had made it back.

 

Your career and personal life can often be quite similar to my experience on the mountain: you might not always be able to see where life is going to lead you.  No matter how careful, cautious and diligent you are, you can’t always anticipate each twist and turn, each obstacle in your path and each time you will fall to the ground. There will be times when you will feel panic setting in and a complete loss of control— however, it will serve you best to stay in the present, trust your instincts and just keep focusing on your goals for the future.

 

All you can do is keep putting one ski in front of the other and make your way down the mountain.

 

 

 

 

Empowering Others

image empowermentI have a memory from my childhood that comes back in my consciousness every now and then. It’s bedtime and I’m going through my evening rituals.  I’m standing at the sink with my mother and it’s time to wash my face.  She has the washcloth in her hand and it’s all warm and soapy.  She’s ready to start cleaning my face when I grab it out of her hand.  I remember the strong feeling of wanting to be independent and be able to take care of myself.  However, my mom is impatient and not pleased with this action since she assumes that I won’t do it properly. She grabs the washcloth back from me so she can complete the task.

 

Isn’t it strange the way our brains work? When I’m together with my childhood friends, they tell me many stories and experiences that I just can’t recollect.  But this moment I remember vividly and I couldn’t have been more than 4 years old.  You know why?  Because of the way that moment made me feel.  I felt so helpless, out of control and frustrated.  I wanted to be independent and she wouldn’t let me. I recall feeling proud that I wanted to take care of myself.

 

I think that in a way, my mom wanted to make things easier for me than they had been for her.  Or maybe she wanted to be needed in her role as a mother. It’s possible that she was tired and she just wanted this task done so she could finally relax.  The point is that in the process, she squelched my ability to be independent and feel that I could stand on my own two feet.

 

When I had my own children, I wanted to take a different approach.  It was important for me to give my kids the tools they needed to feel confident and independent. I allowed my kids to make mistakes and color outside the lines. It meant that I was willing to step back when they made a mistake and allow them to work out their own issues.  It also meant that at times, my children felt discomfort and even pain, and I allowed them to feel their own pain. I’m not saying it was easy, but I knew in my heart it was for the best. I wanted them to be able to feel secure in their decision-making and their ability to steer their own course in life.

 

I mimicked this approach in the workplace.  I wanted to empower peers and my employees to confidently handle their own issues, and get comfortable with solving their own problems.  I felt that it was my job to give them the tools to be successful, independent and strong. Again, it was certainly not easy, and sometimes quite disheartening, but I knew it was the right thing to do.

 

You probably agree with everything that I’ve shared with you thus far. Your head is nodding and you absolutely see my point. However, I’m asking you to take an honest, raw look at your life right now.  It’s time to question whether you might have failed in your attempts to empower the people around you.

 

Maybe your enabling involves a relationship with a child. It’s easier and less stressful if you can take care of the task and be done.  Maybe it’s an employee relationship. You have repeatedly handled issues because you want to make sure it’s done properly and perfectly.  Maybe it’s a friend that consistently needs your assistance. Time and time again you help, because, to be honest, it just feels good to be needed.

 

I guarantee that you have at least one relationship that smacks of some enabling in your personal or professional life.  In the moment, the action might feel good to you and to them, but the long-term effects can be quite destructive.

 

Make it your mission to empower others to stand on their own two feet. Eventually, they’ll be glad you did.

 

Planting Seeds

management

 

I was having a conversation with my son the other day. He was getting me up to speed on what was happening in his fairly new management position. He’s been at this job for about 3 months now, so he’s beginning to feel more comfortable with the routine.  This is a far cry from where he was about 3 months ago, when he was so stressed and anxious that he didn’t know what to tackle first.  So much had been neglected for so long that he had difficulty trying to prioritize— everything needed to be done yesterday.

 

About one month ago, he called to get my advice on a situation at work and stated, “managing people is really hard work”.  Yes, it’s hard work and can give you a lot of headaches, but it can also be very rewarding.  He’s already had his first hire, his first fire and his first walk out.  Each one of those was difficult but he survived the experience and learned greatly.

 

Now, back to his current situation at work. The owner was in town for a week to check up on the office and make sure things were going well.  With the owner present, one of the workers walked in abruptly and aggressively demanded a raise that she felt was well deserved. She believed that she was doing more work than any other worker. Her delivery was devoid of any finesse and her timing was inappropriate. This employee felt that she had the upper hand because of the recent high turnover.  What came next in the exchange surprised me.

 

My son responded calmly and assertively that her approach was ineffective for this situation.  He explained to her that if she truly wanted to receive a raise, she was not going to get one by coming across in a threatening, offensive manner. Then, he explained to her the appropriate way to receive what she wanted in the workplace.  He also explained to her what he would need to see in order for her to receive her desired raise.

 

He shared with me that he certainly didn’t make her happy. Frankly, I know that was hard for him. I reassured him that he had handled the management situation like a pro— way beyond his experience level.

 

Let’s be honest here.  The easy solution to this problem was to give this employee what she wanted. He could have given her the money that would satisfy her— for now.  However, that wasn’t the right thing to do.  That would have been a short-term decision to help him get through the next couple weeks. Chances are strong that that decision would have come back to haunt him in the not so distant future.

 

It takes a lot of strength to do what’s right in our careers, not to mention our personal life too.  Making decisions today based on our long-term goals instead of what’s easier is hard work. However, the willpower to stay the course is truly the key to success.  It’s also one of the most important traits of a strong leader.

 

Make sure that you’re planting the seeds of success in your career, your family, and your relationships by developing this essential muscle.