Steps to Success

I’m a Women’s Success Coach because it is my mission. I feel strongly that this is what I’m meant to do in life. Frankly, I enjoy it so much that I would do it for free but I recognize that it would be a poor business decision. I believe that I have all the skills, knowledge and experience needed to help each woman succeed in both their personal and professional life.

 

That said, I recognize that this is not always enough. Sometimes, despite how hard I work, I fail at helping someone move forward and achieve her goals. As you can imagine, it bugs me to no end. However, I do realize that it takes two to make the process work. If you’ve been wondering if you’re ready to take the next step to work with a coach, here’s a list to help you decide.

 

You’ve made a decision that you no longer want to live your present life. 

It doesn’t matter if it’s a personal trainer or a financial expert, unless you are frustrated with your present life, you’re not going to move forward with a Coach. Frankly, you need to feel the pain in order to commit to the hard work.  Changing your life isn’t easy.  It’s so much easier to continue down your current path.  It’s just that the path has to be so uncomfortable for you that you refuse to live it one more day. If that’s how you feel, then you’re ready to commit.

 

You are open to learning new ways of doing things

Ask yourself this question— am I open to someone telling me that my thinking might be incorrect?  Am I willing to allow myself to be vulnerable? The Coaching process is about being honest and admitting that you might have made some mistakes in the past.  It’s about seeing yourself clearly, maybe for the first time in your life. In order for the relationship to work, you need to be thirsty for new ways to approach life. If you can’t meet these requirements, then you’re not going to have a successful relationship with your Coach.

 

You’re willing to work really hard and follow through.

Working with a Coach means you have to do your homework.  When your health coach says you have to record everything you eat, there’s a reason.  If you don’t complete this part of the homework, you won’t be able to succeed.  Yes, it takes hard work to change patterns that you’ve had for years.  Unless you stop and recognize them, you will continue to do things the exact same way. However, like anything else in life, nothing worth having comes easy. If you come to an appointment without completing your homework, you’re sending a very clear message.

 

It’s your decision to work with a Coach.

Did your husband suggest that a Business Coach would help you increase your profitability at work so you thought that you’d give it a try? I’m already skeptical of your commitment.  This needs to be your decision or you’re not going to see the same degree of success.  You need to seize total ownership of this commitment and the process.  The most successful clients are those that had been mulling it over for a while and decided the time was right.

 

Working with a Coach can be a life-changing experience.  It’s your decision whether you view it as an opportunity to accomplish your dreams or a waste of time and money.  I certainly hope you choose the former.

 

Be Yourself!

I was looking out the window while on the treadmill at the gym. I had tired of the usual morning shows on the TV and was enjoying my music. I noticed that a car had pulled up with a mother and her young toddler son .The mother went over to the other side of the car to get her infant child out of the car seat, and Adam immediately found something to keep himself busy.

 

As he stared at his reflection in the car window, he flailed his arms and began to make funny faces.  He contorted his body and eventually went into a full-fledged dance. Disregarding anyone else, he passionately danced, gyrated and stared at the effect in the car window. The mother got all the way to the door to the gym before she realized she didn’t even have her son in tow.  She yelled to him and he scampered over to catch up.

 

I watched with amusement as this whole scenario played out. This little boy was totally uninhibited and in the moment. He gave no thought as to how his wacky behavior appeared to others. He was absorbed in his own enjoyment and did exactly what felt right at that minute. The reality is that Adam doesn’t have many years left before he learns that his behavior in the gym parking lot and many other places is unacceptable in society. I bet that by the time he reaches Junior High, Adam will take the utmost care to say and do the right things to get along, be accepted and fit into the world.

 

If only we could all live our lives with such abandon and joy! The truth is that as we grow up, we learn what’s appropriate behavior and what is not.  We internalize what is expected of us, and the roles that we’re suppose to play in our families, school setting, workplace and the world. To find success in life, there are certain standards of behavior you have to meet, and most of us can tackle this requirement with no problem.  In fact, turning the off switch on that mode of thinking can eventually become an issue in your life.

 

I coach women that struggle with understanding who they are beyond their roles and expectations in life.  Many have succeeded in numerous arenas, wearing several different hats, but at some point in their life, they realize that they’ve become disconnected with who they are at the core of their being.  It’s possible they’ve spent many years denying feelings and desires in order to accomplish their goals and meet their expectations. Like an athlete, they kept motoring forward toward the finish line. However, there’s a price to pay for following that path in life. Eventually, you can lose touch with YOU and find it difficult to ascertain who you are and what you truly want and need— separate from your many roles and expectations.

 

The day I saw Adam dancing in the parking lot, he was just being Adam. He knew what he wanted and he didn’t really care what anyone else thought. He wasn’t aware or bound by any expectations— yet. It’s not realistic to think that as an adult you can live like Adam. However, make it a point to incorporate just a little bit of “Adam” into your life every now and then.

 

Relationship Advice

Miles and I are pretty firm in our routine.  He knows that I always feed him dinner and take him for a walk around 4 or 5 o’clock. If I’m in the house starting around 2 o’clock, I can count on him to be glued to my side.  Every time I make a move, he’s right there.  If I’m working at my desk, he will sit beside me and stare. He’ll be watching for any sign of movement, signaling my possible descent downstairs to his food bowl.  Watching his behavior, you would think that I never feed him.

 

By about 4 o ‘clock, I can no longer stand the feeling of someone staring at me and I make my way to the kitchen.  I feed him and get his leash ready for the walk.  He scarfs down the food morsels within a 20 second span and then turns to me for the next act.

 

Today, I felt pretty lucky that I was able to walk him before the big downpour of rain.  The weather was just perfect— sunshine with a nice breeze to cool things down.  As usual, Miles walked fast and insisted on leaving his calling card on every single bush and tree within a 2-block radius.  When we turned around and began our walk back to the house, Miles sat down.  He sprawled out under a tree and decided he was done.  I didn’t notice this detail, so I continued to walk until the long, taut leash pulled me back.

 

I told Miles that he could take a little break but then we were going to go back home.  When I got close to him, he quickly turned over on his back to show me he was ready to get picked up.  I tried to “marionette” him to walk but that didn’t work.  Frustrated and angry, I finally gave up and picked him up.  Miles seemed quite content with my decision.

 

I listen daily to successful women that are unhappy with the relationships in their lives.  They want the people in their professional or personal lives to change and they ask my advice as how to make this happen. They have a proactive approach to life and are very problem/solution oriented. All of this is wonderful but they’re leaving out one very important detail.  You can’t make people change and you can’t convince people that they need to change.  In fact, the harder you try, the less effective you will be.

 

You can, however, change your own part in the scenario.  A relationship is dynamic and if you change your own behavior, then the other individual’s behavior will also have to adapt.  It might take time before you see the desired changes in the other individual, but it’s definitely an empowering and healthy way to handle the situation.

 

Now, back to Miles.  I was livid with Miles when he was lying under the tree and expected me to pick him up. I could swear he had a smile on his face. But who was really responsible for this travesty? What had I taught him to expect from me?  He had the routine down from the signs that I was getting ready to feed him until the moment that I gave in and picked him up.   I had trained him on this whole experience.

 

However, if I changed my behavior, he would also have to make some changes.  Maybe the first time, things wouldn’t go so smooth, but if I stayed the course on this new change, the Pug would eventually have no choice but to adapt.

It’s really not that different with humans.

 

O How Time Flies

Yesterday, I attended to the YWCA Career Women’s Achievement Awards Luncheon. Frankly, there’s nothing I enjoy more than being in a room stuffed with sassy, successful women!  As I sat there and listened to the impressive stories, I realized that I had better get busy.  If these women were able to accomplish all these great feats with so many obstacles in their path, then there was no excuse for me!

 

Diane Nyad, the 63-year-old long distance swimmer, was the guest speaker for the event.  Honestly, I didn’t expect to be so affected by what she had to share about her life.  However, I was enamored with a woman at the age of 63 who refused to slow down.  She continued to challenge herself with such lofty goals.

 

One thing in particular, really resonated with me.  She spoke about how rapidly you pass through the different transitions in your life.  One minute you’re graduating from college, and the next thing you know, you’re having a baby.  In what seems like a blink of an eye, that same child is preparing to go away to college and you realize that you’ve been in your career for 20 years.  Life definitely goes by at a warp speed.

 

Diane reminded us that we need to make a decision about how we approach our life. We can put our hopes and dreams off until later on, or we can seize the moment now. The problem with choosing the former is that later often doesn’t come.

 

My two sons and my future daughter-in-law were home for a visit last week.  Having everyone in the same house doesn’t happen very often.  After I went to bed, my boys stayed up and went searching for old DVDs of our family.  They reported that they had spent hours watching the record of their lives.  They insisted that I share the experience with them the next day.

 

As I watched my two sons at those very young ages, I was hit with a feeling of melancholy.  How did that happen?  When did those adorable little things turn into adults?  It seems like yesterday that I was in the hospital delivering my oldest.  It seemed like yesterday that I was dropping my youngest off at day-care and going to school plays and having school conferences. Watching those recorded moments reminded me how precious each day really is and how important it is to go after what you truly want in life.

 

I work daily with women that give me all the reasons why they shouldn’t move forward.  I have heard some fabulous excuses why each one of them should continue to stay where they are instead of taking the leap.  I often remind them that they need to channel the courage to step out and risk making the wrong decision. Just move. A person in motion stays in motion. A woman at rest stays at rest.

 

This is your wake-up call. If you’ve been putting that move off, think again.  Take a chance and move forward. Live your life with no regrets. If Diane can do it, so can you.