Competitive Tree Climbing

 

I’m beginning to notice a pattern when I speak with women about finding their strengths and passions in life.  Often, there is some confusion surrounding the process to finding your “real” self. For example, at the last “Sassy Girlfriend Talk”, we were discussing what you enjoyed doing when you were young.  The reason I always ask this question is because usually, when we are young, we partake in activities that us bring us joy and seem natural to us. This is before we have been influenced by what is culturally acceptable and valued in our family and community.  It’s usually when we are innocent and most pure to who we are.  I remarked that one of the things I remember enjoying was climbing trees. I was always the fastest to climb up and the one at the very top of the tree.  One of the women commented that there isn’t much work needed in the city of Cincinnati in the business of “Climbing trees”.  I agree, which leads me to share a couple misconceptions about finding your strengths.

 

Translating your passions in life is not always a literal process. My love of climbing trees and being the highest one up in the tree translates to my need to be challenged.  It translates to my need to be physical and active in my life. I feel most like “me” when using my physical skills and when I’m able to expend some energy.  It’s not surprising then, that in the last couple years I discovered my love of meeting challenges through biking.  So, when you’re searching for your passions, be open- minded to understanding how you can interpret what brought you joy and happiness as a child.  How can that feeling be recreated today?

 

Whether she believes it or not, EVERY woman possesses strengths and passions.  I get the strong feeling that some women I come across want to convince me that they are different from others and just don’t have any strengths or talents unique to them.  I’m here today to tell you that that’s simply not true!  Maybe you haven’t taken the time to truly get to know yourself and explore different interests. Possibly, you’re just scared to take a risk and try new things, so you stay with what’s safe.  Maybe you’ve wrapped yourself around your family so tight that there’s no more room for your own passions. Your family’s interests and activities rule your life, and you run from thing to thing staying busy. The truth is, they are there, girlfriend.  You need to give yourself the space to discover them.

 

It’s possible to passionately love taking part in an activity and eventually tire of it.  My first job out of college was in retailing, where I was promoted quickly through their management program. I was able to play an instrumental part of their phenomenal growth as a company.  I LOVED my job! It wasn’t work for me because I was able to utilize all my strengths: my management skills, people skills, my love of fashion etc.  I was very successful and was being groomed for the Director of Operations position.  But guess what happened? I became burned out and I yearned to do something very different in life. It’s possible to tire of using those specific skills in that specific realm and to need to have an entirely new challenge.  Say it with me— There is not one thing I am destined to be or do in my life!  Does that take some pressure off of you?

 

Listen girlfriends, each one of you has passions and strengths that possibly you have yet to discover. Try to remember that finding yourself is a continual process throughout life.  So, don’t waste anymore time living your life without going after what burns brightly in your heart.  Do the work needed to find where you belong.

 

 

 

Be a Master Communicator

A couple years ago, I volunteered my time directing traffic in and out of the ATP Tennis Tournament. If you’re wondering how I ended up in this predicament, let me explain.  At the time, my son was on the High School Cross Country Team and the parents and kids were asked to donate their time in order to raise funds. If my memory serves me well, that day was one of the hottest days of the entire summer, with highs reaching triple digits. Am I painting a clear picture for you?  Imagine working in the blistering sun all day, directing cars into their makeshift parking spots (which were actually grass and dirt).

 

The day was exhausting but fairly uneventful until the Tournament officially ended. All of a sudden, thousands of cars wanted to leave the massive parking lot at the very same time.  As we began to direct the cars out of the fields, an accident occurred on the road facing the field.  This meant that everyone’s access to leaving the lot was blocked. The cars were gridlocked in the field and no one could move an inch.  That’s when things really began to heat up.

 

People in their cars were honking, yelling and cursing at me.  I would try to explain to each one what was going on, but nothing seemed to help.  People wanted out of the field, and they wanted out now. Screaming, men and women told me I was stupid and I didn’t know what I was doing.  I found the whole experience amusing since I view everything that happens to me as a learning experience for better understanding human behavior.

 

There was one older woman that actually got out of her car. She was screaming at a man who was also volunteering his time.  From where I stood, I could see that he was talking to her, and the more he talked, the more she screamed and cried.  A woman in charge came over to her and began trying to defuse the energy.  Again, I could see that the more they conversed, the more agitated she became and the more she cried.  After 10 minutes of witnessing how things were spiraling down for her, I walked over to try to help.

 

You might question why I didn’t take charge earlier.  Frankly, this wasn’t my thing and I didn’t want to interfere with people that were actually in leadership roles.  Seeing that things were getting out of hand, I decided to step in.  I walked up to her, put my hand on her shoulder and asked her what was wrong.  She screamed, cried, and explained her frustration and I replied that I totally understood it. Basically, I validated her— I agreed with everything she said. Then softly I explained to her why our hands were tied.

 

You know what happened? She immediately began to calm down. Knowing that someone understood her was all it took.  She got back in her car and the two of us even had a little laugh at the end of our talk.

So here’s my point— so many people fail to learn this extremely valuable communication strategy in life: just listen and validate. Let’s face it, you will come across many people in your career that you feel are out of control.  Just repeat their concerns and watch them slowly calm down and begin to listen better.  You will experience this in your family and with friendships— don’t let it throw you.  Just listen and reflect back to them what you believe they are trying to tell you.

 

Our needs in life are pretty simple— we want to be heard and understood. If you can internalize this fact and incorporate it into your communication skills, you are sure to be a successful girlfriend.

 

 

 

 

 

I made a mistake!

I will admit it— I don’t like to make mistakes. I happen to have a reoccurring dream that attests to this fact.

 

I’m sprinting across campus to my college class. Mere seconds before, I look at my class schedule and discover that I am supposed to be in my Science Class.  My feet are not moving fast enough to get there in time and I’m extremely distraught. It’s as if I’m standing still, yet I feel myself working so hard to move forward. I run to the building and pull open the double doors to an auditorium-sized room. Everyone stares at me as I run into the room out of breath.  Only then, I realize that everyone is taking their final exam and I’ve missed every single class in the whole quarter!

 

I believe that the big fear in my dream is making a mistake.  I’ve failed to look closely at my class schedule and make note of when I need to be at my class.  I’ve failed for numerous weeks to look at my class schedule and get to my class.  That’s a pretty big mistake and apparently, my subconscious is telling me I don’t like to make mistakes.  As if I didn’t already know that.

 

I’m going to imagine that many of you reading this don’t like to make mistakes in life. If you’re a girlfriend that holds yourself to very high standards, you know what I’m talking about here. However, making mistakes is just part of life, and to become comfortable with the idea, you might just have to change your perspective on messing up.  So to help you understand why it is important to make mistakes, read on.

 

Making Mistakes is a learning tool.  There is no way you can become proficient in any aspect of your life without making the occasional mistake.  The truth is, we learn much more from falling flat on our face then we ever do from being successful.  But here’s the key, if you’re spending time ruminating about falling flat on your face, forget it.  Assess the situation, be honest with yourself and learn how to be more effective next time.  Don’t equate the mistake with your self-worth.  Chalk it up to a learning experience and move on.

 

Challenging yourself in life means that you will probably make mistakes. Yes, it’s scary to mess up but if you want to be successful in life, you need to take chances.  When you take chances, you run the risk of being wrong and making a mistake.  If you’re more concerned with making mistakes than achieving your goals and dreams in life, you’re definitely going to miss out on a lot of life’s experiences. You’re going to feel stifled and never evolve into the person you were intended to be— your best self. So, push yourself outside your comfort zone and experience life!

 

View mistakes as a warning to take heed in life. For example, if you were backing out of your driveway and you hit your son’s car because you were too scattered and not focused, use that as a warning that you might need to change your life.  View it as a positive that you have been given a sign in life— you might be taking on too much and need to slow down a bit. Then just let it go and move on.  That’s exactly what I did a few months ago.

 

Face it— everyone, and I mean everyone makes mistakes— its just part of life. Remember to have a little compassion for YOU when you mess up.  Don’t let it stop you from living your absolute best life.

All Sales Racks are Created Equal!

I was shopping at Anne Taylor Loft a few months ago.  As it’s my ritual in every store I enter, I first walked over to the sale rack to see what bargains I might be able to find. The rack was pretty picked over, but hiding behind two other pairs of pants was an awesome pair of jeans. I excitedly noticed that the size was right so I reached for the price tag.  According to the ticket, these awesome jeans were just $8.00!  Feeling an adrenaline rush, I made my way to the dressing room to see if they would actually fit. As I hurriedly pulled them up, it dawned on me that I had just come across the bargain of a lifetime.  They fit perfectly and I was overjoyed!

 

As I carried them to the counter to make my purchase, I began contemplating what I was going to wear them with and when my find would be unveiled. I handed them over to the sales clerk and she looked at the price tag and then back at me.  She rang them up and then said “You realize that these are not returnable because they’re only $2.88. Do you still want them?“ I looked at her incredulously and asked if she was sure about the price. Apparently, the jeans had missed a markdown on the ticket and then received another discount when it was rung up on the register.

 

Yes, it’s true— I paid $2.88 for my awesome jeans and I thoroughly enjoy them on a regular basis. The same goes for my all-time favorite blazer that I bought at Kohls Department Store. I rarely see anything on their sale rack that appeals to me, but that didn’t stop me from searching through all the clothes on the day my blazer turned up. That day, I hit the lottery.  My fabulous blazer, which always gets me loads of compliments, cost me only $6.00.

 

At this point, I think it’s important for me to share my philosophy about shopping; you never know where you’re going to find the perfect purchase.  I never discriminate or judge any store I come across before I walk into their door. Frankly, I treat Goodwill and Wal-Mart exactly the same way I treat Nordstrom’s sale rack.  You know why? Because you never know what treasures you might find hiding.

 

Are you wondering why I’m sharing this story about shopping in the first place?  It’s because I believe that my approach to shopping is an analogy to being successful in many parts of your life. For example, if you want to be successful in business, you need to be open and nonjudgmental to every person that comes your way.  You really have no idea how that person might impact your life and help you get closer to your goals. You truly don’t know where that next big sale is going to come from.  Don’t lose out on an opportunity because you judge the situation without having all the facts.

 

If you’re single and desire a relationship, don’t fall into the trap of not being open to opportunities before you’ve given them a chance. Allow yourself to be open to new situations and new people. You just never know where that perfect individual is hiding.  Don’t make a rash judgment about where you should meet someone or what is acceptable in a partner and lose out on the love of a lifetime or a fabulous new friend.

The bottom line is this; treat each person you come across in life with the same level of kindness, respect and authenticity, no matter what you have to gain from the situation. And if you want to achieve your dreams in life, don’t judge a book by its cover.